Midlife crisis. It is a term bandied about, which can conjure images of sports car purchases, new gym memberships, flirtations/affairs/divorces, botox and bikinis. Midlife is, for many, a time of transition, including whether or how to retire. It can be a time of more questions than answers, a time in which you feel less steady as you review and revise who and what you find most meaningful, valuable, and worthwhile. Some changes are desired and welcome, while others feel forced or unavoidable.

I believe, as I share in my upcoming book, The Ageless Way, that  “Those of us who are entering, in the midst of or, like me, leaving our rich middle years, are well poised to use such times of transition as opportunities to tap more deeply into our reservoir of innate soulful greatness – what I refer to as our Signature Greatness DNA. As history has shown, change makers and world shakers always deepen their culture and leave a legacy for future generations by confronting the difficulties of such times with invention, insight, and transcendent understanding.”

It is at these times that many people choose, whether out of desire or necessity, to begin a second (or third, or fourth…) career, which is often referred to as an encore career. There are different reasons people choose to pursue an encore career, such as: financial security; personal fulfillment and meaning; the desire to give back to the local/national/global community; flexibility; work/life balance; learning new skills and utilizing those that have been acquired over decades; sustaining social connections; pursuing a long-held dream…

Regardless of the reason(s) for selecting an encore career, those in their middle and later years have garnered personal and professional experience and wisdom which they can offer to employers and clients. In addition, Boomers and Matures (members of “The Silent Generation”) grew up in eras which inspired active, organized involvement in response to diverse current events, such as WWII, the Korean and Vietnam Wars, and the fights for civil and women’s rights. As a result, these workers are often valued for their efficiency, sense of responsibility, loyalty, hopeful attitude and strong work ethic.

The trend toward an increasingly older and diverse workforce creates multiple opportunities for building successful intergenerational office environments. Encore career professionals offer a variety of abilities and knowledge to enhance the capabilities of the younger generations and benefit, in return, from their colleagues’ perspectives and talents with new work aspects like technology. Such mutually supportive business cultures ensure a more solid future for everyone, from those engaged in encore careers to the generations yet to come.

There is even a movement afoot to support those choosing or hiring for encore careers. Encore.org’s mission is “building a movement to tap the skills and experience of those in midlife and beyond to improve communities and the world.” It seeks to engage the vitality, wisdom and talents of those in the third and fourth stages of life while emphasizing social purpose. Seeing an aging society as a solution to, rather than creator of, problems, Encore.org connects generations in diverse ways, including hosting an annual conference and offering The Purpose Prize for people over 60 who integrate their passion and experience for the betterment of society. Created in 2005, the prize aims to “showcase the value of experience and disprove notions that innovation is the sole province of the young. It’s for those with the passion to make change and the experience to know how to do it.”

I mentioned the term encore career in a blog posted earlier this week, “Second Time Around” , in which I wrote about Barbara Beskind who is now in her third year of work as an inventor, a lifelong dream she achieved just shy of her ninth decade. Additionally, I have met/worked with diverse women and men who have chosen (are choosing) to embark on an encore career. One 51-year-old woman hot shot media executive left her job to pursue what she always wanted to do as a teenager — she went back to school to become a social worker. Another high flying 62-year-old woman left an intense demanding sales executive post to return to the beloved art career of her youth. A 63-year-old retired teacher became a published author. In her January 16, 2015 New York Times article, Older Job Seekers Find Ways to Avoid Age Bias, Kerry Hannon shares the story of a 66-year-old man who was laid off from a high-powered position. After undergoing the unease of transition, questioning his purpose and averting age discrimination encountered in interviews, he ultimately ended up teaching part-time, making money, and feeling valued. And I am one among many who have found fulfillment in an encore career by creating their own business.

Encore.org and the AARP  are just two of the organizations offering programs, resources and information for those embarking on an encore career. In the short term, this transition may require additional investment of education and retraining (including working with a certified professional career coaching and strategy-creation coach). The rewards, however, can be infinite. Following your passion while giving to others can be stimulating, enlivening and offer adventures which demonstrate that, despite pleasurable memories, the best is still yet to come.

When musicians are called by an audience to perform an encore, a demand for more, it is surely a sign of success. Whether you choose an encore career out of need or want, in honoring and utilizing your skills and knowledge you are the one whose success is to be celebrated. Bravo!!

What’s your encore career story?  Please share your experience below.

I often say that most of us have the potential to do 95 percent of our best work in the last 5 percent of our lives. As we age, we become well poised to offer a range of perspectives and skills, which can only come with time and experience. This is true throughout our lives starting from when we are babies learning how to walk and speak. Our middle and later years can be a time in which many of us have raised families, had some success in our work (and perhaps reached the silver ceiling…), and may wish to pursue old (or new) dreams if we have the ability, opportunity, time and financial security.

A perfect example of someone who has learned from experience and is using her personal history and decades-long patience to find opportunity, satisfaction, and meaning is 91-year-old Barbara Beskind. Beskind was the focus of a Today Money piece by Scott Stump (February 25, 2015, Today.com), the title of which tidily sums up her story: ‘Age is not a barrier’: Tech designer, 91, lands her dream job in Silicon Valley. 

Beskind’s inventiveness began “out of necessity” during the Great Depression in the 1920’s. As she tells it, “I wanted to make a hobby horse, and I made it out of old tires. I learned a lot about gravity because I fell off so many times.” Despite having decided by 10 years old that she wanted to be an inventor, a high school counselor told her that females weren’t accepted at engineering school. She, therefore, pursued other avenues and hobbies until two years ago, at 89, she had an opportunity to follow her original dream. Beskind applied and was hired for a one-day-a-week job testing and designing aging-related products at the Silicon Valley global design firm, IDEO, where she still works today.

While praising the welcoming inter-generational culture and atmosphere at the company, in the Today story Beskind also shared her perspective about hiring someone from her generation for that position. Suggesting that many younger designers “…can’t put themselves in the shoes of the elderly” and, therefore, often design for fashion rather than functionality, she shared her feeling that “… elderly people bring experience that you can’t teach.” 

The idea of pursuing one’s passion and meaning in an “encore career,” a career after retirement, is becoming increasingly popular as we live longer and have more opportunities. Whether following through on an old dream or creating a new one, if situations permit, many of us find our satisfaction in such pursuits.

My own experience involved shifting careers in midlife (in what I have since termed my second “midlife reclamation”) from a successful corporate career to that of an educational GeroFuturist with my own consulting, coaching and publishing business. Was it easy? Not at all! Transition rarely is. Experiencing somewhat of a crisis of the Soul, I agonized while reviewing who I was and wanted to be, what was most important to me and how I could find meaning, significance and fulfillment while also giving back and making a difference for others. These are often common hallmarks for anyone pursuing their heartfelt passion and/or looking to have an encore career, whether by choice or even by necessity.

Career changes, whether they follow retirement or not, may involve some unexpected shifts, detours or delays. For those of us who are ready, Radical Reinvention is in order. Sometimes, when we consciously choose to pursue a process of breaking away from what was to what can be, we will traverse what I have long called The Canyon of the Soul. In this trek you will transform based on the best of you, as well as reclaiming the core of what really matters to you. As I mentioned in my February 11, 2014 blog, False Alarm: Reinvention is Boomer Friendly (www.karensands.com/false-alarm-reinvention-is-boomer-friendly), “Now is the last chance we get to embrace the gift of turning crisis into opportunities.”

Yes, you often have to toss out old definitions of yourself and of success, as well as aspects of your life that do not really matter, that are merely clutter. You have to remove the tangential plot lines, the side stories that distract from the main plot, and sometimes you have to even cut characters who are dragging the story down. Radical Reinvention is a purification process, getting down to your essence, to your Signature Greatness DNA, and to your core values. At the same time, you don’t have to toss the gold with the dross, so it is key to know yourself and have a clear vision.

Eight decades after dreaming of becoming an inventor, Barbara Beskind chose to make her vision a reality. Her story exemplifies that dreams can be achieved at any age. I imagine (and hope) that as we live longer, stories like this will become commonplace.

 Do you have an old dream you are pursuing? What advice do you have for others wanting to do the same?

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“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.” ~ Honoré de Balzac

In my June 22, 2015 Ageless Beat blog, “Alone Doesn’t Mean Lonely….” I spoke about how we all may experience loneliness and, though it may seem ironic, sometimes it’s beneficial to spend time alone doing something nurturing to ease that sense.

In addition to finding comfort on your own, another way to overcome loneliness is by spending time with each other. There are many ways to find community and connection, whether you prefer the company of one other or many others. Below are some of the ways I have learned (and helped coaching clients) to diminish any suffering that can accompany the feeling of loneliness.

~ Make time and be fully present to nurture current relationships you feel are worth keeping, and consider letting go of those which are draining or negating. It’s easy to know which are which, just check in with your very real body messengers and trust your gut. Rather than e-mailing/texting, experiment with having more interactions over the phone (or Skype or Facetime with those at a distance) or, better yet, meet in person.

If it wasn’t for today’s technology I’d have no real relationship with my new grandkids living in Arizona. It’s the same even with my two elementary school grandkids here in the east. When they are involved with sports and birthday parties or I am engaged in business and travel, which prevent our biweekly visits, Facetime saves the day.

~ Consider volunteering. Whether you like working with animals or are seeking human interaction, volunteering for an organization (or giving in another way, like cooking a meal for someone in need) can be a great way of being with others while also doing something philanthropic.

~ Become active with an organization or group to meet others while engaging in fulfilling activities, such as: classes in exercise, art, quilting or crocheting, music, history, geography, technology, business, etc.; book groups; environmental, religious, political organizations or a professional group of your peers. MeetUp.com is one online way to find groups. Local newspapers and magazines often list events that may interest you.

~ If you are online, you can check out websites like Boomerly.com, which offer a means to connection for like-minded friends and travel companions, as well as potential romantic partners. Don’t forget your LinkedIn groups and expanding your connections on Facebook and others.

~ Check out retreats with your favorite guru or authors. Join a women’s group or a yoga center.

~ Make an appointment to speak with a ICF certified coach, licensed therapist or clergy.

~ How often do you interact with different generations? This can be a great way to inspire new connections and insights. Create an intergenerational group in your local community center or offer mentoring within your company or professional organization. Go to concerts where younger people abound.

~ Participate in online conversations like this one – offer your comments and suggestions below and let’s make this journey on The Ageless Way even better!!

The world is full of others who are seeking others… The more all of us explore, the better chance we all have of finding each other and reducing loneliness and becoming happier AND healthier.

 How would you describe what loneliness feel like? What techniques do you use to cope with, or overcome your loneliness?

(Image Credit: circle of friends by maveric2003, flickr.com)

Dating…the word itself can conjure, for some, feelings of fear, anxiety, dread and overwhelm. A quote by comedian Jerry Seinfeld states, “Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?” Yet, given our penchant for connection, engaging with others can also incite excitement and hope. Regardless of our age, we may date for a number of different reasons, among them: romance; finding a marriage partner; sex; companionship; friendship.

There’s no disputing that dating after 40 (and through 100+) is very different than at 20 or 30. In our middle and later years, many of us have already had families and/or built careers, have a multitude of life experiences to draw from, greater self-awareness and clarity about the type of companionship we want (and don’t want). Since average life expectancy has increased, we are all in the process of creating a new story for the next phase(s) of our lives, often with an eye toward greater self-fulfillment and simultaneous social consciousness/giving back. With the pace of life in these times, the growing divorce rate and the number of people who are single (whether by choice or circumstance, whether with children or not), dating is a great way to meet others.

If you want to begin to date, but are having difficulty motivating, consider the following words from Mama Gena’s Womanly Arts website (www.mamagenas.com): “While the law of attraction is true, true, true, it is not the whole story. The whole story is that you have to love wherever you are, whatever it looks like, right now, to even begin to attract anything. Additionally, it is really important to demonstrate your willingness to go for your desire by getting up off your butt, and taking deliberate baby steps in the direction of your desires.”

Yet, a major fear of many women (and men) over 40 is that, in our youth-centric culture, we will no longer be attractive enough to others. That false stereotype masks the more complex and nuanced reality of attraction, making it too easy to undermine ourselves and refrain from acting on our dating desires.

In my upcoming book, The Ageless Way, I quote Elisabeth Kübler-Ross when discussing what Ageless Beauty truly is (rather than “youthenizing” those over 40). She asserts, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” How different an approach we might take to dating when we acknowledge this truth…

Though it seems obvious, we often get lost in trying to “attract” someone (friend or lover) and forget that when we are seeking to relate with those who will truly love us we must actually share who we truly are. As Henry Cloud suggests in How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, “Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.”

Learning more about someone through dating is not just for those who are single.

Many married couples and committed partners make it a priority to have “date nights,” considering it vital for their relationship to focus on each other away from life’s distractions. Though that time can be used to simply catch up, it may also help nurture romance. Articles such as the National Association of Baby Boomer Women’s “Day Trips and Hotel Sex” by Dr. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D. (http://nabbw.com/expert-columns/love-sex-and-dating/boomer-women-sexuality/day-trips-hotel-sex) talk about the advantages of such dating. Lynn shares her belief in the benefits of taking a trip together and enjoying time for “unadulterated intimacy.”

There are many ways to meet people, including newspaper ads, matchmakers, friends, events and classes. We live in a society and time of “high tech, low touch,” so it’s vital to meet others and find ways to connect and create community. Ironically, however, it is very often the online world which offers a fast, efficient way to meet others. In addition to well-known general websites for all ages, such as match.com, eharmony.com, and okcupid.com, there are others for nearly every grouping, including ones by hobbies/interests, religion/spirituality, sexual/gender preference or ethnicity. Sites for people specifically seeking to meet other Boomers and those over 40, include: babyboomerdates.com; over40andsingle.com; ourtime.com; vibrantnation.com/family-relationships/7-free-online-dating-sites-for-people-over-50-and-single; and, many more.

For anyone who is resisting dating, who believes in the stereotypes about the scarcity of potential partners for those over 40, I have a brief, but true, story for you.

My husband’s childhood best friend had suffered through more than one mismatched marriage, and a heart attack, and felt that his chance at finding a loving companion was over. However, he ultimately went online, hesitantly stepping into the dating scene again, and met a woman who he feels is the true love of his life. Though they wish they’d met 20 years ago, they are focusing on moving in together, creating a home in a new location. With the wisdom of experience that can only come with many years of living, they look at life as just moments, which they will keep pursuing and creating together.

Are you seeking some kind of courtship or friendship? I am curious to hear about your Ageless Dating experiences…

Where have you met friends or romantic partners since the time you turned 40? What has made your 40+ dates fun or cringe-worthy?

Image Credit: (“Roseate Spoonbill Courtship Dance” by USFWS Headquarters, everystockphoto.com)

An international team of researchers studied more than 500 captive apes around the world and found that chimpanzees and orangutans also experience a significant dip in happiness around their own midlife, measured in marked depression and changes in social interactions, distinct from the individual ape’s emotions and behaviors before and after this time of life, measured using standard surveys by those who know the animals well.

Before this study, many of us already knew that a midlife crisis was not a distinctly male phenomenon, that women experience it too, even if women and men act on their changing emotions and perspectives in different ways. But now, seeing the same U-shaped curve in happiness from childhood to elderhood, with the dip occurring at midlife, even in our ape cousins, supports the possibility that the crisis is genetic and possibly adaptive in our evolution.

If so, what purpose does it serve? According to the researchers, the most plausible explanation is that the crisis occurs at a time when we are often at the height of our lives—with our children (if we have them) able to fend for themselves without us, our careers in their prime, and financial security at its strongest—a time when the anxiety and depression many of us feel is a reminder not to take all of this for granted.

Many of us know intellectually that these days, we are living longer and healthier lives than ever before, and that the prime of our lives is likely still in the years ahead, yet the primal fears remain and can easily overtake this knowledge. This research only confirms that our crisis is not a result of some external reality, that we can circumvent or lessen these feelings of crisis by being proactive in our lives. We can take this time to reimagine our futures, to go from good to great, and to plan the second half of our lives to surpass the first half beyond measure.

The midlife crisis may be a product of evolution that can lead us all toward taking the next evolutionary leap for all humans, and for the world.

Featured image by David and Becky.

Although I knew that as a planet we’ve been headed in this direction for decades, I never believed it would happen so quickly, and I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around the sheer size of this storm, hitting New York City of all places. An earthquake in California, a tropical storm in Florida, a tornado in Kansas—these are not unexpected locations for Gaia’s fury. But a hurricane in the heart of Manhattan is so anachronistic—it’s like something straight out of a disaster film.

Except we’re not watching the credits with the comfort of knowing it was all just make-believe, a wild fictional exaggeration.

In futuring, we refer to these unexpected high-impact occurrences as Black Swan events. They underscore the fragility of our ability to predict the future, yet they also inevitably strengthen our sense of power in shaping the future.

Black Swan events force us to act. We have no choice. The status quo in one way or another is gone, and in the aftermath, we have the choice to rebuild what was lost or to create something better.

What is heartening is that I see all the ingredients we need to bounce forward: community, resilience, and a trust in the recovery process embodied in how many people are stepping forward to help, to donate, knowing that even the smallest donation will help and will be used to rebuild.

All over, people were taking in friends, family, even strangers who no longer had power—or homes. When Rabbi Alexander Rapaport heard about the horrible food being served at the armory to evacuees from Far Rockaway and Coney Island, he put out a call on social media for volunteers. Close to 100 people answered the call, making and delivering hot meals until the food ran out, at which point another social media request brought in donations that, last I heard, were still being used to feed the stranded.

Even before the NYC marathon was canceled, Julia Burke was planning to donate her entry fee and travel costs to the Red Cross and hold a marathon of her own in Buffalo to raise awareness and funds for the recovery—on Monday morning, she brought $2,700 in cash to the Red Cross, in addition to the more than $1,500 in online donations (which are still coming in) which she and the handful of women who joined her managed to raise through their alternative marathon.

Movements like Occupy Sandy (and Occupy Sandy NJ) have emerged, grassroots efforts to fill the inevitable gaps in our stretched-to-the-limit emergency services. You can get the latest updates on exactly what people need and where on the site or by following them on social media. Or you can donate through the Occupy Sandy “Wedding Registry” on Amazon, an ingenious way to make it easy for people to donate exactly what the hurricane victims need. (“This couple has requested no gift wrap.”

I could go on and on about the many people who have stepped up and come together, demonstrating community, resilience, and faith in each other and in themselves. I’m sure you have heard many stories yourself, or even taken part in creating one. What stands out to me in these stories is the creativity and the use of our virtual connection to each other to enlarge the community involved in the relief efforts.

I believe this only confirms the path we have been on all this time—toward more collaboration, more alignment of our values with our lives, our work, our businesses, more of a focus on people and the planet, even if this focus is coming rather late in the game as far as our planet goes. Is it too late? That depends on what we do next.

As we continue to move forward, to rebuild and build anew in the areas affected by the superstorm, I hope that this spirit of collaboration, community, creativity, and resilience continues to spread and ripple out through our nation and the globe.

Black Swan events like Superstorm Sandy show us what we’re made of. But only in the months that follow do we have the opportunity to make something of ourselves and our world that embodies the best in us—and beyond.