Everyone wants long term success. But it is elusive for most.

Long term success is dependent on knowing where you are now and where you are headed. Then closing the gap. Frequently. Continuously.  Whether it’s your business, your career or your life at home., it’s easy to get off track, lose touch or get buried under. Without a true sense of where you are in the moment, it is impossible to realize your dreams or be a leader in your field.

Re-calibrate your profound knowledge

The only way we can take 100% responsibility for sustaining our success is to keep re-calibrating-in every aspect of our lives and organizations.

Key to successful recalibration is to acquire what my dear departed mentor, Dr. W. Edwards Deming, coined as Profound Knowledge. This umbrella phrase emphasizes understanding change and how to measure it, being aware of emerging trends and shifts, and learning how to apply this knowledge to leading and sustaining long term success.

Bottom line: If we don’t acquire Profound Knowledge we cannot know how to prepare for and leverage coming change, thus how to sustain our success long term.

Understanding change means understanding shifts in our personal world as well as tracking trends that capsize us, overtake us, or cause us to flounder.

Learning the Hard Way

Unfortunately one of my Gen X male clients learned this the hard way. A rising star in his field and recently married, he was planning far a great future for his kids, tons of time for fun and all the trappings of success. As if out of the blue, the rug got pulled out from under him. His “Happy Homemaker” wife fled, saying I’m out of here!

Somewhere along the way there was a breakdown or perhaps many small fissures below the surface. Had they been recalibrating an checking in with each other, communicating the truth of what was so for each of them…perhaps they could have saved their marriage…or at least ended it with love, grace, and forgiveness.

Even in the most secure relationships, unexpected change happens to ruffle our plans. A recently returned to work mother of teenage kids reported that her new career is now going gangbusters and she no longer worries about the empty-nest . But, the new ripple in her life is that her once very successful husband, in his late 40’s, now faces an unknown future. Surprised by the shifts in his industry, “suddenly” he and his business partner are facing the probability of closing their doors. What once appeared to be the sure path to their dreams, is no crumbling beneath them.

Change is inevitable. If you can learn what Profound Knowledge is and apply it you can avoid these same pitfalls and NOT LEARN THE HARD WAY!

What steps are you going to take to future cast your long term success?

However, from the vibrating heart of our dissipating structures comes the promise of our true greatness: a greatness of awareness and action that will change the world. From the midst of the evolving Great Transition, we leave the Great Recession and the uplifting Obama era behind us as we enter an unknown, unchartered new cycle of populism and extreme radicalism ripping our valued democratic tenets to shreds and putting each of us on the line.  This Great Shift demands that we each unlock our potential for greatness which lives in each of us, and we are being called to make a difference. That is the premise of The Greatness Challenge, in which I offer a template for embracing and embodying our unique Signature Greatness DNA^SM to unleash our personal and collective greatness.

The Greatness Challenge is a manifesto for the growing wave of us who want to add value in all we do and who are being called to personal and collective evolution—from dentists to doctors, executives to engineers, artists to teachers and visionary leaders and futurists who are looking to redesign their lives so that every moment counts . . . for those of you who seek work that not only fills your bank accounts but your “values” bank as you yearn to do well doing good . . . for leaders who seek a pathway to visionary leadership, so the impact you have is of the greatest benefit for all.

To be one of the first to hear about The Greatness Challenge when it releases join us in the Secret Facebook Group here.

If so, you’re a lot like my clients.

One woman client, Ms.Clio, recently did something extraordinary. I know you’ll enjoy reading about what she did to take my breath away.

It’s mid-afternoon on the day of the once in a lifetime (every 99yrs) seen Solar Eclipse over a wide swath of the U.S.A. I was in total awe witnessing this cosmic spectacle unfold.

To maximize my experience and its impact on my psyche, I read both astrological and mythical interpretations of this cosmic event. What I gleaned is that whatever comes up during the darkening phase is to be released as “completed forever more.”  Equally vital to contemplate, is that whatever shows up as the moon’s shadow moves over and away from the sun to reveal its brilliance, a new phase begins, heralding new opportunities for months and months to come.

Long ago I embraced the mysteries and gifts of messengers and auspicious events.

Just as I looked away from the darkening sky, my cell phone pinged. To my total shock an incoming email with the subject line: “57 Greene Street Soho” showed up. I read the “out-of-the-blue” message just as the moon’s shadow moved out of darkness into its last phase of the solar eclipse. It was a message from a female client, Ms. Clio, who I hadn’t seen or heard from in 42 years! As Clio reminded me, she came to work with me when she was desperately in a need of a lifeline. It was the ‘70’s when American women were birthing the 2^nd women’s movement. American Feminism was taking hold. Not all of us were “bra burners”, but all of us were seeking emancipation, our place at the boardroom table, and equal rights and pay.

She wrote:

 It‘s been so many years, but I am sure you will remember me.
I was so frightened of where I was going, and you seemed so sure, I fed on your strength and grew strong. It was a very transformative time in my life, thanks to you, a very positive experience that put me on the right path. Your words still guide me today.

I am so glad that, so many more women, are being given the opportunity to be guided by you, into a more enlightened way of living and being.

With love and appreciation, “Clio”

Reading these unsolicited words moved me deeply…they brought me to tears of release and joy, rooted in times long past. The timing of her outreach is auspicious.  I, like the sun, am moving out of the shadows of my late middle years, now moving further into my last phase of my (working) life.

After being off-road for a couple of years to write The Ageless Way (now a #1 Amazon Best Seller), the timing of the eclipse message of “letting go” and “closure,” better yet, “completion,” could not have come at a better time.

The generosity of my long-ago client and mentee to chose to reach out across the decades to express her thanks was more than enough to keep me keepin’ on.

Just in case I didn’t get the complete message of the solar eclipse, with great grace Clio took me back to a time long ago that had drastically changed my life and my family’s forever more. True to the interpretation of the meaning of the Solar Eclipse is that it’s now time for those heart-wrenching challenging years to be completely released…with gratitude, grace and generosity.  

I’m so grateful that Ms. Clio reached out now, right smack in the middle of the Solar eclipse!

I raise my glass to Ms. Clio! Life well done. She truly embodies generosity, gratefulness and grace to the max, along with the necessary amount of grit essential to making dreams come true. Thank you Clio for allowing me to help you along on your journey, and for mirroring back to me the transformative shifts I have been blessed to catalyze for you…and for so many others since those many years ago. xo

Now as the Solar eclipse recedes from my top of mind, I am filled with continuing awe and immense gratitude for the fulfillment of the “promise” of the Solar eclipse which heralded the many new opportunities emerging from the shadows. Now new and long ago clients are returning to brighten my landscape just as did the sun as it moved from the darkness of totality to re-emerge brightly.

What showed up for you during the Solar eclipse? Did you have the sacred opportunity of releasing or arriving at completion of something from long ago? Post eclipse are you experiencing new opportunities coming your way? What role have messengers played in your life and work? Are you open to their appearance? What’s happened when you have paid attention versus when you have blown them off? Who do you need to reach out to so you shine the light on their gifts to you when you needed a lifeline?

Amazon #1 Best Seller Author of 11 books including The Ageless Way, Gray is the New Green, Visionaries Have Wrinkles, The Greatness Challenge and more.

Photo Credit: geralt, Pixabay

Losing a spouse, especially one who was the primary caregiver, is one of the hardest experiences in life. When the person suffering the loss has Alzheimer’s or dementia, it can make the experience even more challenging. While the needs of a grieving individual are the same regardless of the presence of Alzheimer’s, people with dementia experience bereavement in a range of ways that depend on the person’s personality and cognitive difficulties, which can present unique challenges.

Sharing the Information

When someone with dementia loses a loved one, you must decide whether or not to share the information and how many details to provide. The best solution depends on the individual and his or her distinctive circumstances. Consider discussing the situation with professionals, including the primary care provider, dementia expert, and a mental health professional. Regardless of the decision, it’s crucial to acknowledge and support the person’s emotional responses.

Not telling the person prevents the grieving process from occurring and may lead to feelings of fear or lack of support when the spouse stops visiting without explanation. On the other hand, some individuals may not be able to fully process the information and can become distressed. Keep in mind that the individual is likely to still feel the intense emotions of grief, including loneliness, shock, guilt, anger, and more.

When telling the individual about the spouse’s passing, provide the information clearly and simply. Avoid euphemisms like “passed away,” and don’t give too much information at once. Provide ample time for the conversation and remain supportive. Having support for yourself is also important. Try a different approach if the person becomes too distressed.

Providing Support During Bereavement

Acknowledge feelings, which can range from profound shock and a sense of bewilderment to an inability to understand the loss despite a strong emotional impact. Encourage self-expression and allow the person to talk about the spouse. Reminiscence can be helpful for those with dementia. If the spouse was the main caregiver, the significance of the loss is amplified. The person with Alzheimer’s is likely to need extra support, guidance, and assistance.

Like many other grieving individuals, someone with Alzheimer’s may find comfort in spiritual beliefs, such as prayer, meditation, or other faith practices. Consider creative outlets, such as art and music, which are often used for self-expression and engagement in Alzheimer’s patients.

Providing an object that reminds him or her of the spouse can help with feelings of connectedness and reminiscence, which is why it’s important to carefully sort through the deceased spouse’s belongings to decide what to keep, give to other family members, or donate. You don’t want to toss something that could help in the grieving process. Starting with the kitchen and working your way through the home room by room is the best approach, but sorting personal items in each room will be difficult. It’s best to go with your gut instinct when sorting.

Reminding Your Loved One about the Spouse’s Death

At times, the person with dementia may forget that the spouse has died, which can be difficult for family and friends who are coming to terms with the death. The individual may react as though he or she is hearing it for the first time and may experience the emotions all over again. He or she may also confuse the recent loss of a spouse with a previous loss of a parent or other loved one.

How to handle reminders will depend on the individual. For some people, a gentle reminder is helpful, but for others, any reminder can be very upsetting. Remain patient and responsive. “Recognizing and focusing on the person’s emotional state can make knowing what to say easier,” suggests Alzheimer’s Society. For those in the later stages of dementia, reminders that the spouse has died are unlikely to work and can cause high levels of distress. Avoiding reminders may be advisable in these circumstances.

Supporting a person with Alzheimer’s who has lost a spouse can present many challenges, especially if the spouse was the main caregiver. However, there are ways that family, friends, and new caregivers can help the person to feel safe and supported. From the way that the information is shared to handling reminders of the death, support should be provided in a patient and caring way that’s also unique to the person’s individual situation.

Throughout the two days I kept feeling something was amiss, but no matter how much it rattled me I couldn’t concretize what it was. That is, until I listened long and deeply enough to discern what wasn’t being said beyond the stated successes.

Although the shared intention of all conference attendees is to engage with the whole range of alumnae as they move from graduation to their first job, then as they raise families and rise to new career heights, the reality is their alumnae outreach efforts appear to fall off the cliff after age 30.

As we know, [bctt tweet=”most of us over the age of 30 today fall into three generations, (e.g., Matures, Baby Boomers and Generation X’ers.) “]

In perfect alignment with the normative adult development trajectory, the largest cohort of Baby Boomers is the perfect demographic group to bring back into the alumni fold. Even more impactful today than monetary donations by this cohort group, [bctt tweet=”50-plussers are eager to add value and live their legacy now”] by mentoring younger generations, collaborating on future-focused projects,  and providing access to opportunities in the job market.

These days, monetary donations are harder to find as the Great Recession has brought many of us to our knees making financial giving out of the question. Adding to this new landscape of giving, most alumnae between the ages of 30 and 50 (aka Generation X’ers) are still in their accumulation and childrearing phase with limited discretionary income available for annual donations. Albeit as yet untapped, these same three generations will eagerly give back to their alma mater, but in intrinsic ways providing a direct positive and lasting impact on younger generations as confirmed by the recent as a recent Merrill Lynch & Age Wave study on giving in Retirement confirms. http://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20151022005223/en/Merrill-Lynch-Study-Giving-Retirement-Reveals-8

[bctt tweet=”So what’s the problem? I’ve been stewing on this missing link ever since I returned.”]

Those of us tracking and studying the over 40 market already know what Lorna Sabbia, head of Retirement and Personal Wealth Solutions for Bank of America Merrill Lynch, recently asserted, “Retiring boomers are a new and growing force in the giving space that can’t be ignored.” We’re referring here to giving time, money and skills.

[bctt tweet=”So why aren’t the AlumiCorps’ invited institutions hitting the bonanza with their post 30 alumnae outreach efforts?”]

 To my surprise no one seems to be delving deeper to leverage what I’ve long been speaking and writing about as the Longevity Factor and it’s impact across generations.

Drawing on my many years as a leader in affinity group marketing, I’m already percolating with ideas.

This looming question forced me to think about my own non-existent relationship with my alma mater. Determined to uncover the missing cause, I took a random straw poll only to find the same disconnect is true for everyone I asked. Clearly not a defiining statistical sample, yet a possible indicator that this is a bigger issue than I first imagined.

Can you relate?  Most likely you have an alma mater even if you graduated 40 or 50 or even 60+ yrs. ago. Are you now actively involved with your alumnae association or do you get turned off every time you get a call asking for your annual donation?

If you are a parent, grandparent or close relation of a soon-to-be or already matriculating college age student, then this disconnect trend is a double whammy. We all know the cost of a college education is crushing our youth leaving them with enormous student debt. None of us wants this for our kids and grandkids. Yet we also know it’s absurd for us to ask our youth to continue pursuing their education without any real prospects of meaningful jobs commensurate with their high-cost education. At the same time, those of us post age 40 are heading into our give back years soon enough. Sounds like a perfect opportunity for intergenerational collaboration and innovation on the front lines.

What has to change for you to renew your relationship with your alma mater? Can you imagine a way to transform your alumnae/i relationship into a win-win re-engagement for YOU and your alma mater?

“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.” ~ Honoré de Balzac

In my June 22, 2015 Ageless Beat blog, “Alone Doesn’t Mean Lonely….” I spoke about how we all may experience loneliness and, though it may seem ironic, sometimes it’s beneficial to spend time alone doing something nurturing to ease that sense.

In addition to finding comfort on your own, another way to overcome loneliness is by spending time with each other. There are many ways to find community and connection, whether you prefer the company of one other or many others. Below are some of the ways I have learned (and helped coaching clients) to diminish any suffering that can accompany the feeling of loneliness.

~ Make time and be fully present to nurture current relationships you feel are worth keeping, and consider letting go of those which are draining or negating. It’s easy to know which are which, just check in with your very real body messengers and trust your gut. Rather than e-mailing/texting, experiment with having more interactions over the phone (or Skype or Facetime with those at a distance) or, better yet, meet in person.

If it wasn’t for today’s technology I’d have no real relationship with my new grandkids living in Arizona. It’s the same even with my two elementary school grandkids here in the east. When they are involved with sports and birthday parties or I am engaged in business and travel, which prevent our biweekly visits, Facetime saves the day.

~ Consider volunteering. Whether you like working with animals or are seeking human interaction, volunteering for an organization (or giving in another way, like cooking a meal for someone in need) can be a great way of being with others while also doing something philanthropic.

~ Become active with an organization or group to meet others while engaging in fulfilling activities, such as: classes in exercise, art, quilting or crocheting, music, history, geography, technology, business, etc.; book groups; environmental, religious, political organizations or a professional group of your peers. MeetUp.com is one online way to find groups. Local newspapers and magazines often list events that may interest you.

~ If you are online, you can check out websites like Boomerly.com, which offer a means to connection for like-minded friends and travel companions, as well as potential romantic partners. Don’t forget your LinkedIn groups and expanding your connections on Facebook and others.

~ Check out retreats with your favorite guru or authors. Join a women’s group or a yoga center.

~ Make an appointment to speak with a ICF certified coach, licensed therapist or clergy.

~ How often do you interact with different generations? This can be a great way to inspire new connections and insights. Create an intergenerational group in your local community center or offer mentoring within your company or professional organization. Go to concerts where younger people abound.

~ Participate in online conversations like this one – offer your comments and suggestions below and let’s make this journey on The Ageless Way even better!!

The world is full of others who are seeking others… The more all of us explore, the better chance we all have of finding each other and reducing loneliness and becoming happier AND healthier.

 How would you describe what loneliness feel like? What techniques do you use to cope with, or overcome your loneliness?

(Image Credit: circle of friends by maveric2003, flickr.com)

Have any of you been through a recent change or loss which transformed your role in and/or perspective about life and your future?

With graduations, weddings, and kids going off to camp, college, or on a global trek — all marker events which reach a crescendo at this time of year — many of us find ourselves on the precipice of being empty-nesters or on our own for the short or longer term. There are really no words that can adequately describe the vacuum that can engulf us when we are freshly on our own…even if we relish aspects of our new freedom. Like all things in life, there’s always a downside and upside to consider and hopefully embrace.

If you’ve had any of these experiences, even those which are positive, chances are that at some level you feared and/or felt a sense of loneliness.

According to Dr. Sanjay Gupta, in his article Loneliness Can Really Hurt You, “Loneliness is an invisible epidemic that affects 60 million Americans. Everyone feels lonely at times in their lives, but chronic loneliness poses a serious health risk. New research suggests that loneliness and social isolation are as much a threat to your health as obesity. As Richard Lang, MD, chair of preventive medicine at the Cleveland Clinic, puts it, people need to attend to loneliness ‘the same way they would their diet, exercise, or how much sleep they get’.”

As with other aspects of big “S” self-care, though, it can be confusing to know where to begin in order to feel better.

There are many ways we can all diminish loneliness, regardless of age or stage of life, both alone and with others.

So…let’s get this conversation started and begin at the heart of the matter — with YOU!

Being lonely is different than being alone (have you ever felt lonely despite being in a crowd of people?). It is a feeling, not a fact of life. In fact, time spent alone can often be exactly what you need to clear your mind, boost your energy and mood, engage your creativity and reconnect with your inner passions. Instead of putting yourself down (our natural default mechanism) find a way to take pleasure in some solitude.

Have you ever appreciated doing any of the following on your own?

* gardening

* walking along a beach

* painting/drawing

* meditating

* doing yoga

* journaling

* traveling

* going out for a meal or movie

These are just a few of the many ways to enjoy your own company.

A couple of weekends ago my husband was out of town for several days. In addition to chatting with friends I’d been meaning to catch up with, I filled my time reading, writing, and, in the best of my alone time, happily binge-watching a full year of Frankie and Grace on Netflix!

Sometimes simply reinforcing the connection with yourself is the best kick-start antidote to any lingering or pervasive sense of loneliness you may experience.

Do you have any other suggestions as to how we can ease loneliness when spending time alone? Let us know in the comments below!

(Also, be sure to check out Wednesday’s Ageless Beat blog when we continue this discussion about ways to assuage loneliness through connection with others… Any tips you think we should include in that (or future) blog(s)? Let me know today by sending an email to Karen@KarenSands.com or feel free to comment below!)

(Image Credit: IMG_2886 by Sudheesh Joseph, Flickr.com)