Everyone wants long term success. But it is elusive for most.

Long term success is dependent on knowing where you are now and where you are headed. Then closing the gap. Frequently. Continuously.  Whether it’s your business, your career or your life at home., it’s easy to get off track, lose touch or get buried under. Without a true sense of where you are in the moment, it is impossible to realize your dreams or be a leader in your field.

Re-calibrate your profound knowledge

The only way we can take 100% responsibility for sustaining our success is to keep re-calibrating-in every aspect of our lives and organizations.

Key to successful recalibration is to acquire what my dear departed mentor, Dr. W. Edwards Deming, coined as Profound Knowledge. This umbrella phrase emphasizes understanding change and how to measure it, being aware of emerging trends and shifts, and learning how to apply this knowledge to leading and sustaining long term success.

Bottom line: If we don’t acquire Profound Knowledge we cannot know how to prepare for and leverage coming change, thus how to sustain our success long term.

Understanding change means understanding shifts in our personal world as well as tracking trends that capsize us, overtake us, or cause us to flounder.

Learning the Hard Way

Unfortunately one of my Gen X male clients learned this the hard way. A rising star in his field and recently married, he was planning far a great future for his kids, tons of time for fun and all the trappings of success. As if out of the blue, the rug got pulled out from under him. His “Happy Homemaker” wife fled, saying I’m out of here!

Somewhere along the way there was a breakdown or perhaps many small fissures below the surface. Had they been recalibrating an checking in with each other, communicating the truth of what was so for each of them…perhaps they could have saved their marriage…or at least ended it with love, grace, and forgiveness.

Even in the most secure relationships, unexpected change happens to ruffle our plans. A recently returned to work mother of teenage kids reported that her new career is now going gangbusters and she no longer worries about the empty-nest . But, the new ripple in her life is that her once very successful husband, in his late 40’s, now faces an unknown future. Surprised by the shifts in his industry, “suddenly” he and his business partner are facing the probability of closing their doors. What once appeared to be the sure path to their dreams, is no crumbling beneath them.

Change is inevitable. If you can learn what Profound Knowledge is and apply it you can avoid these same pitfalls and NOT LEARN THE HARD WAY!

What steps are you going to take to future cast your long term success?

There is a children’s book, entitled Are You My Mother?, in which a baby bird is born while his mother has gone to get some food for his arrival. Because she is not there when he emerges, he goes in search of her, asking the title question of the animals and machines he encounters. Along the way, he discovers none of them are his mother, a fact confirmed when he is reunited with her at the tale’s end. In this story, none of those who the bird questions are his mother. In our lives, though we come from our “birth mother” (some who stay present in our lives, some who don’t…), we all have the potential of being mothered by many people.

Not every woman gives birth to a child, but every woman, at some point in her life, has done some mothering – whether caring for a youth, an aging parent, friends, colleague, a pet, or even forming a business, idea or movement.

I lost my mother to the ravages of Alzheimer’s when she hadn’t even reached her sixth decade and I was just about to enter my third. That immense loss fueled my search for positive role models, women who were examples of growing older in Ageless ways, as well as women who could offer the wisdom and nurturing inherent in the role of mothering another.

It was the community of the feminist movement that transformed my life. From and with these women, I learned who I was at my core, was encouraged to break through my perceived limitations, and began to envision my aspirational future. I found my voice as a woman and became part of a network that crossed generations. We all learned from those who mothered us so we could connect with, usher in, and empower, the next generation who, in turn, now offer insights and new ways of nurturing based on their own experiences. Each generation of those who mother others literally and figuratively births the next generation.

We mother at different ages, though the experience and wisdom that comes with growing older enhances what we can offer. Even consider the word grandmother, which references a parent’s parent or an elderly woman in a community. How wonderfully atypical – a welcome change from the usual ageist language – that the word GRAND indicates largess, having more importance, a recognition of our capabilities as we age. And let’s not forget the oldest mother of all: Mother Nature/Earth, who offers the land we live upon, whose air we breathe and whose food offers us comfort and survival.

I used to scoff at the contrived aspects of Mother’s Day until I became a grandmother and saw it as a time to honor my maternal lineage. Now, years later, I continue decades-long work on expanding how I mother by focusing on transforming our culture’s approach to growing older. This Mother’s Day, in honor of past lineage and future generations, I invite you to join me in birthing a new story about aging, a way for every one of us to mother ourselves and each other in order to reach our full potential and ensure lives of deep significance, purpose, and contentment.

 What experiences have you had that exemplify what it is to “mother” another?

You may know that you want to start a business, for example, but you’re unsure of what kind of business exactly. You may only vaguely know that you want to do something purposeful, but you aren’t sure if this means volunteering or work or some combination, or what exactly you would be doing.

If you have not yet decided on what you want to be when you grow up :), consider the opportunities inherent in our most precious resource—time.

For all the time-saving technology we gain each year, we somehow seem to have less and less time available to us. Busy working parents don’t have as much time to volunteer in schools or spend as much time with their children as they’d like. Even kids don’t have as much time for free play with all their activities, sports, and school-related commitments. In an increasingly urban society, some kids have the time for free play but no safe spaces to do so, and their parents don’t have time to take them to safe spaces.

Many areas of traditional volunteer work, such as visiting with the sick and infirm, feeding the homeless, helping care for animals in shelters, and so forth, are lacking in volunteers because people simply do not have the time.

One answer, of course, is to simply step up and be a volunteer. But consider looking at this from a different perspective. How can you or your business save people time in ways that specifically allow them to have more meaningful time? With their children? Their parents? Volunteering themselves?

If you run (or plan to run) a business with employees, this could be a part of how you set up your workforce, using job sharing, flexible hours, work-at-home days, and so forth to enable your employees to balance their lives. Or your business could be the meaningful work that you (with or without employees) want the time to do.

If you are still with a company, planning your own eventual exit, now is the time to research and develop alternate scenarios that could serve you, your colleagues, and the business, such as a consultant relationship or part-time substitute situation that enables everyone to take Meaning Days along with the traditional vacation time and sick time.

Any business that brings extended families and communities together to help each other out and save time is bound to hit a ready market. What if busy parents only worried about cooking dinner once or twice a week? How about a service that brings young kids to meet with parents over lunch near or at their work?

How about a program for companies to buy into that sends groups of employees to volunteer with their families in the name of the company?

The possibilities are endless—as are the potential profits—when you consider what is truly meaningful to you and to others. Contrary to the trope about the later years of life, time really is on our side.

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Integrating the inner feminine with the inner masculine is the third (R)evolutionary axiom that is essential to greatness. 

There is no stronger force in nature for softening the hard edges of stone than water. In the same way, no influence is more healing in taking away the edges of living in a high-pitched accelerated world than that of the Sacred Feminine. The traditional masculine qualities of competitive achievement, hierarchical organization, and goal-orientation have been at the foundation of our institutions and our very way of life. Both men and women who are successful have to internalize some or all of these values in order to succeed in the mainstream. 

As more and more people feel their lives out of balance, they yearn to integrate their masculine qualities with the inner Sacred Feminine: that which is intuitive, connected to body and nature, the Soul’s access way to the transcendent, and which allows a softer way of living. As people quest into the Canyon of the Soul, they often discover their own Sacred Feminine waiting for them like a pool of still water at the heart of fallen stone or the transformative waters of a tsunami eroding what no longer works, leaving a sculpted, newly revealed essence. By connecting to the Sacred Feminine in all her qualities, we forge a more balanced life and a more collaborative, unified way of relating to the earth and ourselves. It is through the Feminine in us all that we discover an innate wisdom that sees connections in all things and the longer view. The Sacred Feminine is rooted in our bodies as is the Soul—what Jung called the Inner Feminine, or Anima. Body, Soul, and Earth, the Sacred Feminine returns us to our sacred roots. 

Listen to the voice of the Black Madonna, for she is also part of the archetypal Sacred Feminine and has many faces that emerge across the world. Renowned Jungian analyst and prolific author Marion Woodman tells us of the Dark Feminine, “her darkness is associated with the unknown, repressed side of our femininity” and appears all over the world as Sophia, Shekinah, Lilith, and Kwan Yin. Her truths are uncompromising, and when we listen to her, and voice her discerning truth, the world will change. 

Not only are we being called to connect to the Sacred Feminine within ourselves— men and women alike—but we see an increasing emergence of women leaders who are blazing the trail. Conferences, workshops, books, and associations are appearing throughout the country because women are taking on new leadership. Unlike years past in which women tried to lead like men, these new leaders are encouraging a more sustainable and long- lasting view based on feminine principles. Greatness is not possible without the Sacred Feminine; only through the marriage of the Inner Masculine and Feminine polarities can we evolve as individuals and as a society. 

Don’t you agree? If not, why?

In a piece on Forbes, Jason Nazar speculates on the future of business and entrepreneurship. I agree with many of his points, but I think his biases color his judgment on some points, particularly regarding age.

His fourth point reveals how ingrained ageism is in our society, to the point where stereotypes linger despite evidence to the contrary. He says:

“Youth Has the Advantage – When you first start working, your opportunity cost is the lowest and your upside potential is the highest it will ever be.  Age brings more experience, but it also brings more responsibility and more severe consequences when things don’t work out. Young entrepreneurs generally have a) more energy b) more time c) more optimism/naiveté d) higher risk tolerance.  We’ll continue to see a much larger percent of successful entrepreneurs in their early twenties and teens.”

I agree, of course, that age brings more experience and generally more responsibility (although one can see how individual factors, such as having dependents, can shift this quite quickly). More severe consequences when things don’t work out could certainly apply if we’re talking about a careerist out of a job. Those in midlife and beyond tend to be unemployed for far longer.

But in terms of entrepreneurs and other small business owners, I would say that the opposite is arguably true. With experience and time in this life comes a wider network and often more resources for rebounding and weathering the storm. A strong reputation built up over the years is more likely to be given second chances and the benefit of the doubt than one that is just being formed.

But perhaps these are not the consequences to which he is referring. Specifics here, and citations, would be helpful.

The main issue in this paragraph, however, is the list of qualities youth supposedly have more of, some of which are likely to be the opposite of the truth, such as having more time. As with anything, individuals vary widely, but in general, especially as kids leave home, those in midlife and beyond tend to gain more time than they’ve ever had available in their lives. This indeed can be a source of depression for people who spent their younger years defining their identity by doing.

Even the comment about more energy, which on its face has truth to it, varies widely by individual. We’re living longer, healthier lives than ever before, and many 40+ people not only have as much energy, they have learned from life experience the importance of allocating their energy wisely, focusing more on what matters most. When this dovetails with their business or career, which it should, then they arguably have the advantage over youth in the energy available for the job.

It’s interesting that he groups optimism with naiveté, as though one must be naïve to be optimistic. This is a decidedly pessimistic view about reality, and the point about optimism doesn’t hold. Studies show that happiness has more of a U shape in life, with our younger years and our older years being happier than those in the middle. So I would not say that age confers more optimism than youth, but there is no clear argument to be made for the opposite case either.

And finally, the last attribute, higher risk tolerance, goes back to the point I made earlier about severe consequences. With age comes more likelihood of having built up the resources necessary to bounce back, so those in this position have arguably a much higher risk tolerance than young people.

Also, by midlife, we often develop a savvy, hard-earned discernment between making risky choices and taking risks. Youth tends to throw caution to the wind and be impetuous because, perhaps, they feel they have so little to lose and so much time left. We need both youthful exuberance and creativity as well as calculated, experienced-based risk-taking and innovation.

Ultimately, all we have to do is look at the data to see that this advantage does not exist on average for startups. The most successful startups, according to multiple studies, such as by the Kauffman Foundation, are those started by people age 55 to 64, and this includes tech startups. Furthermore, companies are increasingly recognizing the value of their more experienced talent, as evidence in the numerous companies signing the AARP Work Reimagined Pledge.

No one can predict the future, and we all see it through our own biases, even when we try to minimize their effect. But ageism is one bias that is taken so for granted in our society that it takes a deliberate effort and constant public conversation to highlight it and dismantle it.

And dismantling ageism is crucial not only to us as individuals who are all aging but to our businesses and our economy, especially as boomers and millennials, our largest demographics, find themselves relying on each other to make the future work.

What ageism have you encountered in others or in yourself?

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Sacramento, Ca. – I love to remember the tiger lilies that grew in my granny’s Oklahoma red dirt. They seemed magical with their bright orange color and their black speckled petals. Every time I see one I’m reminded of the Oklahoma summers I spent playing with cousins and eating my granny’s wonderful cooking.  The ones I grow must be missing the red dirt of Oklahoma because they’re not as prolific in my Sacramento Valley dirt but they still remind me of my roots and my sweet granny.

Living longer and better requires a lot of attention to exercise and brain fitness. We all need exercise, fresh air and sunshine to maintain good health. Our brains also need to be exercised and experts agree that reminiscing can elevate our moods and flex our brains in many positive ways. One way to kill two birds with one stone is to grow a memory garden.

Our ability to smell is the strongest facilitator of remembering. Fragrant plants can take us back to our childhood or recall a day in the garden with a loved one. I especially like to grow the plants that have been given to me by family and friends. Roses are perhaps the most fragrant and are easy to share with others. Cuttings taken in winter can be rooted and gifted for summertime blooms.

Who doesn’t have a planting of Hens and Chicks that someone gave us? My garden is filled with plants and flowers that my mother has given me. Most of them she dug up from her garden and that makes them more special to me.

My Granddaddy loved crepe myrtles. They grew all over the 160 acres where my father grew up. Their ruffled and papery blooms gave him so much pleasure as mine do for me. They also remind me of my grandparents’ old farmhouse and how excited I got as a child when we were close enough to see the windmill turning in the field. I can just see my granddad go out past the woods to find Goldie, my father’s buckskin mare. Crepe myrtles are planted at the head of my granddaddy’s grave. I took my own children back to the homestead while they were still little. The farmhouse is gone, the windmill is broke down and laying in the field, but crepe myrtles still grow next to where the front porch once stood.

My daughter hated gardening when she was a child. She would promise to clean the whole house if I just wouldn’t ask her to lend a hand in the dirt. Regardless of her complaining, I made her learn all the names of the flowers we grew. She was a quick learner and managed to only spend a short time in the flower beds. But one year I found a way to lure her into the garden. I planted a sunflower house with six different varieties of sunflowers and morning glories that climbed up the giant stalks. Every day she would go out to see the house’s progress. When it grew big enough, she would go inside and sit a while dreaming. She’s now a mother herself and now enjoys planting flowers and vegetables with her two sons. I try to grow sunflowers every year, mostly to remember the summer of that Tara took to gardening because of a sunflower house.

Gardening can be so beneficial for getting you in shape, exposing you to fresh air and it can be a social connector also. Whether you love to garden or just love someone who does, it gives you an opportunity to connect. Just ask that gardening friend or family member to show you their garden. Take them a small plant and you’ll be remembered for years to come. Chances are that you’ll come home with a memory plant of your own.

Karen Everett Watson is a certified gerontologist who lives in the Sacramento Valley just a mile from her parents who give her a constant flow of topics on aging. She enjoys her three children, 10 grandchildren, her chickens and two acre homestead.

You will have the opportunity to examine the hottest topic on the minds of leading CSAs and newbies alike.

Join me to kick-start a unique conversation on how to turn what keeps CSAs like you up at night into assets for the Longevity Economy.

Insights gained will become the foundation for developing and implementing effective, innovative – yes, even visionary, new approaches.

Leading GeroFuturist best-selling author, firecracker speaker, game changer, and thought leader on the Longevity Economy, 40+ market, the business of aging, and ageless aging. A world-class trusted advisor, Master Certified Coach and expert authority, Karen boldly advocates for the new story of our age.  Karen guides go-getter entrepreneurs, trailblazers, and visionary leaders to their niche in the global business of aging while evolving their role in response to this new narrative. Karen is an in-demand speaker known for dynamic presentations and a remarkable gift for captivating any audience!

Contact Information: http://www.karensands.com/ | 203-266-1100 | Karen@KarenSands.com| https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensands/

Books:http://www.karensands.com/store/
The Ageless Way
The Ageless Way – A Companion Journal/Workbook
The Greatness Challenge
Gray is the New Green
Visionaries Have Wrinkles
Visionaries Have Wrinkles Reflections Journal
Visionaries Have Wrinkles Reflections Card Deck
Ageless Reinvention (Releasing 2018-2019)
Mastering Reinvention for Midlife & Beyond – (Re-releasing 2018-2019)

Estate planning to achieve these goals can be complicated. The typical “all to my spouse, then equally to the children” estate distribution does not work with blended families. That is because there is always the risk that the surviving spouse will disinherit the decedent’s children and pass the assets to his/her children. In addition, the competing interests of potential beneficiaries can lead to discord resulting in an ugly and costly court battle.

It is for these reasons that it is recommended that blended families use trusts. Specifically, revocable trusts with QTIP provisions. QTIP renders the trust irrevocable upon the death of the settlor. (the person who established the trust).
When a person is getting married for the second or third time it is important to consider the implications of the new relationship, including the need for an updated estate plan and beneficiary clauses. In other words blended families need to be careful. And being diligent can prevent potential complications and keep familial harmony even in the trying times of a passing.

Do you have any experience you could share?

About the Author

Attorney Bahrawy has 39 years experience as an Estate Planning and Elder Law Attorney. He represents individuals and families in both simple sophisticated estate planning strategies. He also advises families with special needs, whether children or adult, on estate planning matters.
Attorney Bahrawy represents elders and caregivers to plan for future or, in some circumstances, an immediate need for institutional medical care. In this regard Attorney Bahrawy assists elders in applying and qualifying for Medicaid, making or adjusting estate plans such as Wills, Trusts and Advance Directives, estate administration, fiduciary litigation, Will contests, guardianship of elderly persons, and elder abuse. Attorney Bahrawy believes that that lawyers serve their clients best by planning ahead rather than solving problems after they occur.

Attorney Bahrawy is a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. He hosted and produced a television program called Your Money. Your Life – a show dedicated to educating the public on issues particularly relevant to people over age 50 such as estate planning, elder law, elder services, financial planning. Life style issues and medical care. He currently appears as a speaker on elder issues at local senior centers, social organizations and legal forums. Mr. Bahrawy has also appeared as a guest on various radio programs in Massachusetts, New Hampshire , Florida, North Carolina and Utah.

In a blog post once by Seth Godwin, he makes an excellent point about why we sometimes don’t get very far in our endeavors, even when we are taking action every day. Often out of fear, our actions are either too small, too easy, to get us anywhere, or, out of our impatience, they are too big and doomed to fail. The secret, he contends, is to set difficult, but achievable goals.

This is an excellent point that we should all take to heart, but I’d like to take it a step further. Even difficult achievable goals won’t take us where we want to go, if we don’t have a clear idea of where we’re going in the first place. Without a big picture view, a vision, that ties together every action we take, we could end up at the wrong destination, the place where achievement and success ring hollow because we still feel unfulfilled. Worse, perhaps, is that our steps could lead us in many different directions, without reaching any destination, feeling scattered and overwhelmed, thinking, I’m working so hard. Why

aren’t I getting anywhere?

One of the first steps you need to take is to redefine what success means to you. (I talk about this in more depth in my post “Sustainable Success.”) Without a clear idea of how you personally define success—not how you used to define it, and certainly not how others define it—you won’t be able to map out the steps to get there, and you won’t be able to measure your progress along the way.

But even more important is a step many people leave out, even those with a big picture view, a vision, and difficult but achievable goals to get them there. It’s incredibly critical to periodically stop and reassess. Ask yourself these reflective questions with ruthless honestly. Are the actions you’re taking still moving you toward your vision, or have you veered off course? What have you learned along the way? Do you need to fine-tune your plan or even your vision? What creative insights can you gain from your mistakes or from results that didn’t turn out the way you thought they would, or even expected results that didn’t feel the way you thought they would?

This is a crucial step, but it’s also a fine line to walk. It’s easy to turn reassessment into second guessing, not based on continuous improvement, but based on insecurity and fear. You need to be brutally honest with yourself about your reasons for wanting to make changes to your game plan, as well as your reasons for not wanting to change. It helps to feed your intuition with facts, so that they work in partnership. Continuous improvement requires continuous lifelong learning, about who you are, what gifts you bring to the table, what knowledge and skills you need to acquire, and what the world around you needs and how your actions and vision intersect with those needs.

Staying in tune with the flow of everything around you, and adapting constantly to that flow, is the difference between having a vision and being a visionary.

What big picture view ties together all your actions? Do you have periodic reassessment built into your game plan?

Amazon #1 Best Seller Author of 11 books including The Ageless Way, Gray is the New Green, Visionaries Have Wrinkles, The Greatness Challenge and more.

However, from the vibrating heart of our dissipating structures comes the promise of our true greatness: a greatness of awareness and action that will change the world. From the midst of the evolving Great Transition, we leave the Great Recession and the uplifting Obama era behind us as we enter an unknown, unchartered new cycle of populism and extreme radicalism ripping our valued democratic tenets to shreds and putting each of us on the line.  This Great Shift demands that we each unlock our potential for greatness which lives in each of us, and we are being called to make a difference. That is the premise of The Greatness Challenge, in which I offer a template for embracing and embodying our unique Signature Greatness DNA^SM to unleash our personal and collective greatness.

The Greatness Challenge is a manifesto for the growing wave of us who want to add value in all we do and who are being called to personal and collective evolution—from dentists to doctors, executives to engineers, artists to teachers and visionary leaders and futurists who are looking to redesign their lives so that every moment counts . . . for those of you who seek work that not only fills your bank accounts but your “values” bank as you yearn to do well doing good . . . for leaders who seek a pathway to visionary leadership, so the impact you have is of the greatest benefit for all.

To be one of the first to hear about The Greatness Challenge when it releases join us in the Secret Facebook Group here.