Everyone wants long term success. But it is elusive for most.

Long term success is dependent on knowing where you are now and where you are headed. Then closing the gap. Frequently. Continuously.  Whether it’s your business, your career or your life at home., it’s easy to get off track, lose touch or get buried under. Without a true sense of where you are in the moment, it is impossible to realize your dreams or be a leader in your field.

Re-calibrate your profound knowledge

The only way we can take 100% responsibility for sustaining our success is to keep re-calibrating-in every aspect of our lives and organizations.

Key to successful recalibration is to acquire what my dear departed mentor, Dr. W. Edwards Deming, coined as Profound Knowledge. This umbrella phrase emphasizes understanding change and how to measure it, being aware of emerging trends and shifts, and learning how to apply this knowledge to leading and sustaining long term success.

Bottom line: If we don’t acquire Profound Knowledge we cannot know how to prepare for and leverage coming change, thus how to sustain our success long term.

Understanding change means understanding shifts in our personal world as well as tracking trends that capsize us, overtake us, or cause us to flounder.

Learning the Hard Way

Unfortunately one of my Gen X male clients learned this the hard way. A rising star in his field and recently married, he was planning far a great future for his kids, tons of time for fun and all the trappings of success. As if out of the blue, the rug got pulled out from under him. His “Happy Homemaker” wife fled, saying I’m out of here!

Somewhere along the way there was a breakdown or perhaps many small fissures below the surface. Had they been recalibrating an checking in with each other, communicating the truth of what was so for each of them…perhaps they could have saved their marriage…or at least ended it with love, grace, and forgiveness.

Even in the most secure relationships, unexpected change happens to ruffle our plans. A recently returned to work mother of teenage kids reported that her new career is now going gangbusters and she no longer worries about the empty-nest . But, the new ripple in her life is that her once very successful husband, in his late 40’s, now faces an unknown future. Surprised by the shifts in his industry, “suddenly” he and his business partner are facing the probability of closing their doors. What once appeared to be the sure path to their dreams, is no crumbling beneath them.

Change is inevitable. If you can learn what Profound Knowledge is and apply it you can avoid these same pitfalls and NOT LEARN THE HARD WAY!

What steps are you going to take to future cast your long term success?

Did you know that November is National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month and National Family Caregivers Month? Many people are directly affected by this debilitating disease, both as patients and caregivers.  If you are tending to the needs of someone with Alzheimer’s, you may find that you’re not taking care of yourself.  Neglecting self-care can leave you depleted emotionally and physically, making it difficult to be the best caregiver you can be.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

The impact of Alzheimer’s Disease

According to some studies, Alzheimer’s Disease affects more than 5 million Americans, and that number is expected to triple by 2050.  One out of every two families is now directly impacted by the disease.

The impact on caregivers

 More and more family members are taking it upon themselves to care for loved ones who suffer from Alzheimer’s disease, and this isn’t an easy undertaking. The Alzheimer Society of Canada warns that anyone who cares for patients with the disease could easily succumb to caregiver stress.  Consider these warning signs:

• Denial about the impact of the disease.
• Anger toward the person with the disease, self, or others.
• Feeling frustration with recurring situations, such as being asked certain questions repeatedly.
• Losing interest in activities that were once enjoyed.
• Uninterested in connecting with friends.
• Anxiety about the future.
• Concerns about what will happen if unable to continue to provide care.
• Depression, sadness and hopelessness.
• Feeling apathetic.
• Sleeplessness or not feeling refreshed.
• Crying easily or being irritable.

As a caregiver, it’s important to make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising, and keeping your own medical appointments.  When you are unwell, it’s crucial for you to take care of yourself with time to rest and recuperate.  If you or someone you know is exhibiting the symptoms of caregiver stress, reach out.  A visit with the family physician is in order, and family and friends need to offer support.

Improve your self-care

It’s important to take regular breaks from caregiving.  Get help with tasks like shopping, meal preparation, and bathing the patient. Participate in activities for your own health, which includes eating healthy, exercising, enjoying downtime and getting enough sleep.  Doing these things will give you the bonus of taking control of your situation, which can reduce overall stress.

Don’t forget the dog

If you’re a dog owner, you know the comfort and unconditional love your dog provides. Dogs can be tremendous sources of support and love, and they help you cope with anxiety, stress and depression.  Dogs can lower blood pressure and increase the “feel-good” chemicals in your brain.  Make sure your dog is a center for support and not stress; if you need help now and then, consider hiring a dog walker.

Your self-care

If you are taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s Disease, don’t put your needs last.  Recognize symptoms of caregiver stress and your own barriers.  Improve your self-care to benefit your physical and mental well-being, and make sure you spend time with your beloved pooch. Taking care of yourself will help you take better care of your patient.

About the author: Lydia is the co-creator of Alzheimerscaregiver.net, which provides tips and resources to help caregivers.

However, from the vibrating heart of our dissipating structures comes the promise of our true greatness: a greatness of awareness and action that will change the world. From the midst of the evolving Great Transition, we leave the Great Recession and the uplifting Obama era behind us as we enter an unknown, unchartered new cycle of populism and extreme radicalism ripping our valued democratic tenets to shreds and putting each of us on the line.  This Great Shift demands that we each unlock our potential for greatness which lives in each of us, and we are being called to make a difference. That is the premise of The Greatness Challenge, in which I offer a template for embracing and embodying our unique Signature Greatness DNA^SM to unleash our personal and collective greatness.

The Greatness Challenge is a manifesto for the growing wave of us who want to add value in all we do and who are being called to personal and collective evolution—from dentists to doctors, executives to engineers, artists to teachers and visionary leaders and futurists who are looking to redesign their lives so that every moment counts . . . for those of you who seek work that not only fills your bank accounts but your “values” bank as you yearn to do well doing good . . . for leaders who seek a pathway to visionary leadership, so the impact you have is of the greatest benefit for all.

To be one of the first to hear about The Greatness Challenge when it releases join us in the Secret Facebook Group here.

Photo Credit: geralt, Pixabay

Losing a spouse, especially one who was the primary caregiver, is one of the hardest experiences in life. When the person suffering the loss has Alzheimer’s or dementia, it can make the experience even more challenging. While the needs of a grieving individual are the same regardless of the presence of Alzheimer’s, people with dementia experience bereavement in a range of ways that depend on the person’s personality and cognitive difficulties, which can present unique challenges.

Sharing the Information

When someone with dementia loses a loved one, you must decide whether or not to share the information and how many details to provide. The best solution depends on the individual and his or her distinctive circumstances. Consider discussing the situation with professionals, including the primary care provider, dementia expert, and a mental health professional. Regardless of the decision, it’s crucial to acknowledge and support the person’s emotional responses.

Not telling the person prevents the grieving process from occurring and may lead to feelings of fear or lack of support when the spouse stops visiting without explanation. On the other hand, some individuals may not be able to fully process the information and can become distressed. Keep in mind that the individual is likely to still feel the intense emotions of grief, including loneliness, shock, guilt, anger, and more.

When telling the individual about the spouse’s passing, provide the information clearly and simply. Avoid euphemisms like “passed away,” and don’t give too much information at once. Provide ample time for the conversation and remain supportive. Having support for yourself is also important. Try a different approach if the person becomes too distressed.

Providing Support During Bereavement

Acknowledge feelings, which can range from profound shock and a sense of bewilderment to an inability to understand the loss despite a strong emotional impact. Encourage self-expression and allow the person to talk about the spouse. Reminiscence can be helpful for those with dementia. If the spouse was the main caregiver, the significance of the loss is amplified. The person with Alzheimer’s is likely to need extra support, guidance, and assistance.

Like many other grieving individuals, someone with Alzheimer’s may find comfort in spiritual beliefs, such as prayer, meditation, or other faith practices. Consider creative outlets, such as art and music, which are often used for self-expression and engagement in Alzheimer’s patients.

Providing an object that reminds him or her of the spouse can help with feelings of connectedness and reminiscence, which is why it’s important to carefully sort through the deceased spouse’s belongings to decide what to keep, give to other family members, or donate. You don’t want to toss something that could help in the grieving process. Starting with the kitchen and working your way through the home room by room is the best approach, but sorting personal items in each room will be difficult. It’s best to go with your gut instinct when sorting.

Reminding Your Loved One about the Spouse’s Death

At times, the person with dementia may forget that the spouse has died, which can be difficult for family and friends who are coming to terms with the death. The individual may react as though he or she is hearing it for the first time and may experience the emotions all over again. He or she may also confuse the recent loss of a spouse with a previous loss of a parent or other loved one.

How to handle reminders will depend on the individual. For some people, a gentle reminder is helpful, but for others, any reminder can be very upsetting. Remain patient and responsive. “Recognizing and focusing on the person’s emotional state can make knowing what to say easier,” suggests Alzheimer’s Society. For those in the later stages of dementia, reminders that the spouse has died are unlikely to work and can cause high levels of distress. Avoiding reminders may be advisable in these circumstances.

Supporting a person with Alzheimer’s who has lost a spouse can present many challenges, especially if the spouse was the main caregiver. However, there are ways that family, friends, and new caregivers can help the person to feel safe and supported. From the way that the information is shared to handling reminders of the death, support should be provided in a patient and caring way that’s also unique to the person’s individual situation.

We can generally agree that telling the truth is the right thing to do in most situations. Yet often we hold back, saying what we think others want to hear, or simply holding back an opinion or idea when we suspect it won’t be well received. Of course, not all opinions should be shared, especially when they would have no possible positive effect. We don’t need to volunteer our opinion of a relative’s cooking or a co-worker’s fashion choices, for example.

But when the truth could lead to positive change—such as more efficient and effective business practices, more meaningful communication in a relationship, or even social changes that rely on speaking out against injustice—we don’t do anyone any favors by withholding the truth or saying something different than what we really think.

One of the barriers to telling the truth is societal. Many of us, especially women, are taught to be polite, that we are responsible for other people’s feelings. Truth telling might upset the status quo, and we will be responsible for the chaos, real or imagined, that will ensue. We fear the consequences, which are unfortunately often very real. Women who are direct and truthful in the corporate world or in politics are often labeled as bitches. Women and men who are willing to tell brutal truths often encounter defensive reactions and sometimes downright hostility. On top of this, when we are nearing retirement age or fearing outplacement, we don’t want to make waves.

Too often, however, we don’t tell the truth because we imagine these will be the reactions, even if this isn’t true, even if telling the truth could in fact build trust and transparency, and free others—our colleagues, our employees, our friends and family—to tell us the truth. Sometimes, we don’t tell the truth because we lack the communication skills to do so in a way that focuses on solutions, not problems, eliciting feedback and fostering collaboration instead of competition. When this is the case, we do experience negative reactions, which only seem to provide evidence that we should be more careful about telling the truth in the future, when actually,they are evidence that we simply need to approach our truth telling more skillfully.

And sometimes, of course, no matter how carefully we communicate, and no matter how much being a truth teller is an expected part of who we are, we still face consequences. In some cultures—such as in many corporations, academia, and other hierarchal organizations and institutions—where truth telling is not the norm, or where politics make truth telling risky, putting ourselves out there might not always have the intended effect—at least not immediately. But visionaries look beyond the immediate situation to the bigger picture. They see that the more of us who tell the truth, the more we create an environment where truth telling is valued, where others feel comfortable stepping up and doing the same. This is beautifully illustrated in the Occupy movement, as truth tellers inspire others to stand up across the country and around the world.

But those first truth tellers do take a huge risk, and that is why this is an attribute of a visionary, a person who is willing to face the consequences knowing that the consequences of not being truthful—on the organization, on other people, on the world, on themselves—are unacceptable.

What, if anything, keeps you from telling the truth?

Amazon #1 Best Seller Author of 11 books including The Ageless Way, Gray is the New Green, Visionaries Have Wrinkles, The Greatness Challenge and more.

“Solitude is fine but you need someone to tell that solitude is fine.” ~ Honoré de Balzac

In my June 22, 2015 Ageless Beat blog, “Alone Doesn’t Mean Lonely….” I spoke about how we all may experience loneliness and, though it may seem ironic, sometimes it’s beneficial to spend time alone doing something nurturing to ease that sense.

In addition to finding comfort on your own, another way to overcome loneliness is by spending time with each other. There are many ways to find community and connection, whether you prefer the company of one other or many others. Below are some of the ways I have learned (and helped coaching clients) to diminish any suffering that can accompany the feeling of loneliness.

~ Make time and be fully present to nurture current relationships you feel are worth keeping, and consider letting go of those which are draining or negating. It’s easy to know which are which, just check in with your very real body messengers and trust your gut. Rather than e-mailing/texting, experiment with having more interactions over the phone (or Skype or Facetime with those at a distance) or, better yet, meet in person.

If it wasn’t for today’s technology I’d have no real relationship with my new grandkids living in Arizona. It’s the same even with my two elementary school grandkids here in the east. When they are involved with sports and birthday parties or I am engaged in business and travel, which prevent our biweekly visits, Facetime saves the day.

~ Consider volunteering. Whether you like working with animals or are seeking human interaction, volunteering for an organization (or giving in another way, like cooking a meal for someone in need) can be a great way of being with others while also doing something philanthropic.

~ Become active with an organization or group to meet others while engaging in fulfilling activities, such as: classes in exercise, art, quilting or crocheting, music, history, geography, technology, business, etc.; book groups; environmental, religious, political organizations or a professional group of your peers. MeetUp.com is one online way to find groups. Local newspapers and magazines often list events that may interest you.

~ If you are online, you can check out websites like Boomerly.com, which offer a means to connection for like-minded friends and travel companions, as well as potential romantic partners. Don’t forget your LinkedIn groups and expanding your connections on Facebook and others.

~ Check out retreats with your favorite guru or authors. Join a women’s group or a yoga center.

~ Make an appointment to speak with a ICF certified coach, licensed therapist or clergy.

~ How often do you interact with different generations? This can be a great way to inspire new connections and insights. Create an intergenerational group in your local community center or offer mentoring within your company or professional organization. Go to concerts where younger people abound.

~ Participate in online conversations like this one – offer your comments and suggestions below and let’s make this journey on The Ageless Way even better!!

The world is full of others who are seeking others… The more all of us explore, the better chance we all have of finding each other and reducing loneliness and becoming happier AND healthier.

 How would you describe what loneliness feel like? What techniques do you use to cope with, or overcome your loneliness?

(Image Credit: circle of friends by maveric2003, flickr.com)

Have any of you been through a recent change or loss which transformed your role in and/or perspective about life and your future?

With graduations, weddings, and kids going off to camp, college, or on a global trek — all marker events which reach a crescendo at this time of year — many of us find ourselves on the precipice of being empty-nesters or on our own for the short or longer term. There are really no words that can adequately describe the vacuum that can engulf us when we are freshly on our own…even if we relish aspects of our new freedom. Like all things in life, there’s always a downside and upside to consider and hopefully embrace.

If you’ve had any of these experiences, even those which are positive, chances are that at some level you feared and/or felt a sense of loneliness.

According to Dr. Sanjay Gupta, in his article Loneliness Can Really Hurt You, “Loneliness is an invisible epidemic that affects 60 million Americans. Everyone feels lonely at times in their lives, but chronic loneliness poses a serious health risk. New research suggests that loneliness and social isolation are as much a threat to your health as obesity. As Richard Lang, MD, chair of preventive medicine at the Cleveland Clinic, puts it, people need to attend to loneliness ‘the same way they would their diet, exercise, or how much sleep they get’.”

As with other aspects of big “S” self-care, though, it can be confusing to know where to begin in order to feel better.

There are many ways we can all diminish loneliness, regardless of age or stage of life, both alone and with others.

So…let’s get this conversation started and begin at the heart of the matter — with YOU!

Being lonely is different than being alone (have you ever felt lonely despite being in a crowd of people?). It is a feeling, not a fact of life. In fact, time spent alone can often be exactly what you need to clear your mind, boost your energy and mood, engage your creativity and reconnect with your inner passions. Instead of putting yourself down (our natural default mechanism) find a way to take pleasure in some solitude.

Have you ever appreciated doing any of the following on your own?

* gardening

* walking along a beach

* painting/drawing

* meditating

* doing yoga

* journaling

* traveling

* going out for a meal or movie

These are just a few of the many ways to enjoy your own company.

A couple of weekends ago my husband was out of town for several days. In addition to chatting with friends I’d been meaning to catch up with, I filled my time reading, writing, and, in the best of my alone time, happily binge-watching a full year of Frankie and Grace on Netflix!

Sometimes simply reinforcing the connection with yourself is the best kick-start antidote to any lingering or pervasive sense of loneliness you may experience.

Do you have any other suggestions as to how we can ease loneliness when spending time alone? Let us know in the comments below!

(Also, be sure to check out Wednesday’s Ageless Beat blog when we continue this discussion about ways to assuage loneliness through connection with others… Any tips you think we should include in that (or future) blog(s)? Let me know today by sending an email to Karen@KarenSands.com or feel free to comment below!)

(Image Credit: IMG_2886 by Sudheesh Joseph, Flickr.com)