Ruth Bader Ginsberg was the longest serving woman on the Supreme Court and a fearless fighter against stigmas surrounding gender and age. She was the first Jewish woman to serve on the United States Supreme Court, and only the second woman to do so. At the age of 87, she was still ruling on America’s most important cases.

Bader Ginsberg fought for a seat at the table for women in both her academic and professional life. She was one of only 9 women in her 500 student class at Harvard. Although she faced open ridicule and prejudice, she graduated at the top of her class in 1959. Bader Ginsberg accomplished all of this while simultaneously raising her first child. After graduation, she was met with discrimination in the workplace where she struggled to find employment as a Jewish woman and mother. 

Instead of giving up, Bader Ginsberg became even more fiercely devoted to gender equality. She returned to work at her alma mater and became the first woman to receive tenure. During the same year, she served as the Founding Director of the Women’s Rights Project launched by the ACLU. Politicians took note and her incredible work ethic resulted in her Supreme Court Associate Justice nomination by President Bill Clinton in 1993. She was confirmed to the court in a vote of 96 to 3.

Bader Ginsberg’s Supreme Court career spanned 27 years. Her thriving profession lasted until the end of her life and directly challenged ageism. She rarely missed a day of work and her strict fitness routine kept her sharp on the bench. Her career and life ended in 2020, after decades of legislative work that altered history for the better. Ruth Bader Ginsberg is a reminder that women can take a seat at a table, and if there is not a seat provided, that they can bring their own chair.

Have you had to bring your own chair to the table? Have you helped to ensure there are more chairs available to women at the table you’re at?

Photo by Gayatri Malhotra on Unsplash

In celebration of Women’s month I would like to know your list of the top women who inspire you, whether they’re authors, entrepreneurs, artists, or futurists like yourself!

— Jane B.

What a fantastic way to celebrate Women’s month! It was hard to choose a list that would fit in this format. I’ve categorized them and included a blurb for each extraordinary woman.

AGING, WELLNESS, HEALTH & LONGEVITY, BUSINESS OF AGING

Adriane Berg is a broadcaster, speaker, and consultant. She is also the host of the Generational Bold Podcast. 

Ana João Sepulveda is the President of Age Friendly Portugal and a global leader and speaker on longevity.

Anna A. Tavis, PhD. is a Clinical Professor at NYU, author, researcher, and coach.

Anna Pereira is the CEO of The Wellness Universe, the Chairwoman Soul Ventures, and an author and mentor.

Barbara Waxman MS, MPA, PCC is the founder of Odyssey Group Coaching, as well as a gerontologist, speaker, author. 

Bonnie Marcus is  one of the new breed of  “Gendered Ageism” experts, an executive coach, author, keynote speaker, Forbes Columnist, and host of the podcast Badass Women At Any Age.

Bernadette Melnyk is the VP for Health Promotion, University Chief Wellness Officer, Dean of the College of Nursing.

Debbie Marshall is Managing Director of Silver Marketing Association, UK.

Debra Gibson, N.D. is a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine.

Dr. Tracey Gendron is the Chair for the Virginia Commonwealth University Department of Gerontology and the Executive Director of the Virginia Center on Aging, a keynote speaker, and author.

Elizabeth Isele is the founder and CEO of Global Institute for Experienced Entrepreneurship and the leading woman on the immense value of the older person as entrepreneurs.

Esther (Semsei) Greenhouse, M.S. is the CEO of Silver To Gold Strategies. She is an ​​Environmental Gerontologist and Longevity Economy Strategist.

Jacquelyn James is the Co-director, Center on Aging & Work at Boston College.

Jane Silk is the CMO of Silver Marketing Association, UK.

Jean Galiana MASM is a gerontologist and an author.

Jeanette Leardi is a Social Gerontologist, Public Speaker, Community Educator, independent Writer and Editor.

Katy Fike Ph.D. is the Co-Founder of Aging2.0. and gerontologist.

Maddy Dychtwald is an author and speaker (among other things) on aging and the global economy.

Nancy Griffin is the Founder of SeniorTrade, podcaster, and journalist. 

Paula Marie Usrey, M.S., CPRC is the Founder of Boomer Best U, author, and speaker.

Sharon Solomon Rose is a Social Gerontologist working to foster intergenerational companies and communities.

Sky Bergman is a wonderful photographer and filmmaker, showing how people between 75-100 (or more) are living their best lives. 

Stella Fosse is an author who hosts writing workshops, with a focus on the issue of gendered ageism.

Susan Flory is a broadcast media consultant and the creator of The Big Middle podcast.

FUTURISTAS

Amy Webb is a quantitative futurist and author.

Anne Boysen is a speaker and futurist.

April Rinne is a keynote speaker, futurist, and author. 

Cindy Frewen, FAIA, PhD is an architect, urban futurist, adjunct professor, and writer.

Dr. Claire A. Nelson is one of Forbes 50 Female Futurists, a sustainability engineer, consultant, and a White House Champion of Change.

Duena Blomstrom  is an author, keynote speaker, and the founder of CPO. 

Elatia Abate is a Forbes Female Futurist and a global keynote speaker.

Emma Pezzack is the Co-Founder of the Femme Futurists Society.

Erica Orange is the EVP & COO of The Future Hunters.

Heather E. McGowan is a futurist, keynote speaker, corporate strategist, author, and a partner at ImpactEleven.

Joyce Gioia, MBA, CSP, CMC, FIMC is a strategic business futurist.

Julie Friedman Steele is the CEO and Board Chair of the World Future Society, an entrepreneur and investor.

Mimi Stokes is a futurist, with an emphasis on sustainability and the teachings of Greek Drama.

Nancy Giordano is the Co-Founder of the Femme Futurists Society, futurist, keynote speaker, and author.

Patricia Lustig is the CEO of LASA Insight and a board member of the Association of Professional Futurists.

Riane Eisler is the President at Center for Partnership Systems and an author, futurist, speaker, and consultant.

Robin Champ is the Chief of the Enterprise Strategy Division for the U.S. Secret Service and a Strategy and Foresight Leader.

Sari Stenfors is a futurist and strategist who has founded over 20 new businesses.

Wendy Schultz is the Director of Infinite Futures.

FUTURE OF WORK, EXECUTIVE LEADERSHIP PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT, SYSTEM/ENTERPRISE DISRUPTION, AND TRANSFORMATION OF
PEOPLE & CULTURE

Annalisa Enrile, Ph.D (USC) is a game changer professor, program lead of the first Phd program focused on practitioners vs. academic tenure track graduates, and writer.

Brigette Hyacinth is the author of Leading the Workforce of the Future and a keynote speaker.

Carol Gorelick Ed.D, MBA is a consultant, professor, author, practitioner, and mentor.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is a speaker on Leadership Presence and Body Language and an author.

Dr. Anastassia Lauterbach is the Managing Director for The ExCo Leadership Group, a writer, speaker, and leadership coach.

Janice Gassam Asare, Ph.D. is an anti-racism educator, DEI consultant, speaker, trainer, workshop facilitator, and writer.

Kelly Swingler is psychologist, executive coach, speaker, and author.

Marie Cini is a higher education leader and innovator.

Maureen Metcalf  is the CEO of the Innovative Leadership Institute, a speaker, author, and radio host.

Michele Gibbons-Carr, Ph.D is a psychologist, coach, professor, and organizational consultant.

COACHES & LEADERSHIP

Ursula Reeg is a corporate trainer.

CAREER TRAJECTORY & JOB SEARCH

Hannah Morgan is a job search strategist, speaker, and trainer.

Helen Harkness PhD is a career consultant, coach, and owner of Career Design Associates, Inc.

Joan Learn is a career and job search consultant.

DIVERSITY, EQUITY, & INCLUSION (DEI)

Deborah Levine is a Forbes D&I Trailblazer, award-winning author, founder/editor American Diversity Report, and Cognitive Diversity inventor.

Janice Gassam Asare, Ph.D. works to promote anti-racism in the workplace, is a DEI Consultant, TEDx Speaker, and Forbes Senior Contributor.

Neivia Justa is a Communication, Culture, Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging Leader.

Netta Jenkins, MBA (As Seen on Forbes) is a diversity and inclusion executive, author, and Co-Founder of Dipper.

 
 
PHILANTHROPIST

Barbara (Hessekiel) Waxman MS, MPA, PCC is a leadership coach, gerontologist, speaker, author, and an aging and longevity angel investor.

Melinda French Gates is the co-chair of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, the founder of Pivotal Ventures, and author of The Moment of Lift.

MEDIA & JOURNALISTS

Arianna Huffington is the co-founder of The Huffington Post, the founder and CEO of Thrive Global, and author.

Dorie Clark is a strategy consultant, executive coach, and keynote speaker.

Katie Couric is a journalist, presenter, producer, and author.

Michelle Goldberg is a journalist, author, and an op-ed columnist for The New York Times.

Mika Brzezinski is a journalist, talk show host, political commentator, author, and co-hosts MSNBC’s show, Morning Joe. A spokeswoman for women. 

Rachel Maddow is the host of the Rachel Maddow Show and an author.

WOMEN & THE FUTURE 

Carole Hyatt is the founder and president at Mission: Getting to Next and multiple book author.

Gloria Feldt is a leadership speaker, author, co-founder/president of Take The Lead, and a gender parity and diversity/inclusion expert.

Suzanne Levine is an author and editor, who writes about women and their place at the table.

TRANSFORMATIONAL PSYCHO-SPIRITUAL EXPLORATION/DEVELOPMENT

Anna Ivara is a facilitator and teacher, specializing in Personal Development and Alternative Therapy.

Carolyn Conger, PhD is the owner of Conger Seminars. She is a consultant and teacher, focusing on psychological growth and spirituality.

Marion Woodman (deceased) was an author, poet, analytical psychologist, and women’s movement figure.

Sidra Stone is co-founder with her husband, Hal Stone (deceased) of Voice Dialogue International and an independent professional training and coaching professional. She has co-authored and authored multiple titles. My favorite is Shadow King—a must read for all teen girls and women.

VISIONARIES in LEADERSHIP & THE FUTURE OF WORK

Frances Hesselbein (deceased) is the former CEO of the Girl Scouts of the USA, the president and CEO of the Frances Hesselbein Leadership Forum, and was my dear friend and long-time mentor.

But for many of us, this compulsive goal to have it all at any cost has led to burnout, less time to appreciate anything we’re doing, health issues, and a loss of identity once the kids are grown or we get laid off, change careers, or retire.

Who are we if we’re not busy all the time, achieving, achieving, achieving? What happens when life throws us curves, when the economy introduces uncertainty and unwanted change?

It’s high time we redefined success and failure. The events in our world, even those that are traumatic, throw what really matters into sharp relief. The new definition of success must take us toward what matters and away from what doesn’t. It is all about how we show up to life.

Showing up is in part being present in the moment, to possibility, to our own inner voice, the visionary inside that knows exactly how to make a difference if we just show up to listen. It also means living fully, spending our time showing up to what matters most to us so that the genuine opportunities for greatness don’t get ignored when they appear while we’re busy doing other things.

Choosing what not to show up for is just as important. The best way to know when to show up and when not to is to be really clear what your criteria are for living your greatness and leading others to theirs. If you know for sure that something will not support your criteria, then it makes sense not to show up. When we act in accordance with our core values, both synergy and synchronicity take over.

Really showing up, giving up our preconceptions, means fully trusting the process. Even when we show up for something (or someone) and it appears we failed, we must continue to follow the process to its completion so that new outcomes will be revealed. Unexpected doors open, obstacles melt, and detours lead us to possibilities we never imagined.

It’s pretty simple. If you show up, the unexpected also shows up. And not only does that allow miracles to happen, it gives us the ability to create them.

Photo by Daria Pimkina on Unsplash

Everyone wants long term success. But it is elusive for most.

Long term success is dependent on knowing where you are now and where you are headed. Then closing the gap. Frequently. Continuously.  Whether it’s your business, your career or your life at home., it’s easy to get off track, lose touch or get buried under. Without a true sense of where you are in the moment, it is impossible to realize your dreams or be a leader in your field.

Re-calibrate your profound knowledge

The only way we can take 100% responsibility for sustaining our success is to keep re-calibrating-in every aspect of our lives and organizations.

Key to successful recalibration is to acquire what my dear departed mentor, Dr. W. Edwards Deming, coined as Profound Knowledge. This umbrella phrase emphasizes understanding change and how to measure it, being aware of emerging trends and shifts, and learning how to apply this knowledge to leading and sustaining long term success.

Bottom line: If we don’t acquire Profound Knowledge we cannot know how to prepare for and leverage coming change, thus how to sustain our success long term.

Understanding change means understanding shifts in our personal world as well as tracking trends that capsize us, overtake us, or cause us to flounder.

Learning the Hard Way

Unfortunately one of my Gen X male clients learned this the hard way. A rising star in his field and recently married, he was planning far a great future for his kids, tons of time for fun and all the trappings of success. As if out of the blue, the rug got pulled out from under him. His “Happy Homemaker” wife fled, saying I’m out of here!

Somewhere along the way there was a breakdown or perhaps many small fissures below the surface. Had they been recalibrating an checking in with each other, communicating the truth of what was so for each of them…perhaps they could have saved their marriage…or at least ended it with love, grace, and forgiveness.

Even in the most secure relationships, unexpected change happens to ruffle our plans. A recently returned to work mother of teenage kids reported that her new career is now going gangbusters and she no longer worries about the empty-nest . But, the new ripple in her life is that her once very successful husband, in his late 40’s, now faces an unknown future. Surprised by the shifts in his industry, “suddenly” he and his business partner are facing the probability of closing their doors. What once appeared to be the sure path to their dreams, is no crumbling beneath them.

Change is inevitable. If you can learn what Profound Knowledge is and apply it you can avoid these same pitfalls and NOT LEARN THE HARD WAY!

What steps are you going to take to future cast your long term success?

Everyone is talking, but saying nothing!

~Roseanne Cash, Black Cadillac

Whether it’s the Russia-Trump story, the latest of fall of a senator or an evangelical icon, we are being deluged with true stories about people who held onto truths, then fell from glory. Perhaps that’s the only way a rebalancing of power in our democracy can happen. But it’s not about our fallen icons really, it’s about us. Perhaps these clay pigeons are mirrors for all of us. It’s time we ask the hard questions of ourselves: where in our own lives and work are we not telling the truth? What has to get fixed so we can?

I hear way too many of my clients and cohorts finding they got blinded by success intoxication and missed the right turns. Some self-sabotaged by not telling the truth of who they really are, others by not staying in sync with what really matters. When any of us fly too close to the sun, like the mythical Icarus, we get burned to a crisp.

In all the stories I hear, it’s always when we don’t listen to our own truth nor tell it as fast as we can, that we dance with disaster.   I use a great instant on-the-go tool, what I call a “Truth Verifier, which has helped so many people get out of their heads and directly into their bodies to find their truth in the moment. I call this on-the-go tool, “Traffic Light”. It takes both the facts and your inner knowing of your truth to make really conscious choices. Give my Traffic Light a try.

So many times, I hear folks saying they don’t know what they want. Yet we have all the info we need internally to make most of our decisions. Most of us just haven’t learned to trust ourselves enough, to tell the truth quickly.

Sometimes our truth scares others. It’s not intentional. We just want to keep growing and going.:) At times telling that truth is so hard. And risks seem insurmountable. Whenever I find myself holding back my truth by not fully expressing myself, I remind myself that time is flying by. After 9/11 our American innocence ripped away all in a flash, leaving us all too familiar with the notion that we only have “now”. Today we are witnessing the very foundation of our democracy being in play. America is at a precipice. Yet it’s so easy to forget all that when we get caught up the hub-bub of our lives. But when we stop to consider, it is no surprise that “now” is the biggie truth that needs to drive all of us. It’s what fuels me and keeps my juices pumping.

More often than not, we think that if we just don’t tell the whole truth we can avoid the expected static or making waves. We convince ourselves that if we can just fly under the radar we’ll get by unscathed. My client Petra, a very successful service provider, tried to get by not telling the whole truth in her new relationship. She role played being fully present, telling it like it is, in between discussing her plans to jettison the losing, money-eating clients in her portfolio. I responded: What a way to build a great relationship! Is there really a difference between a little untruth and a big untruth?

Big or small untruths eat away at a foundation of any relationship. Most certainly the relationship we have with ourself.

I learned all too young that waves of change come when you least expect it. So taking a real good look at your world and mind is mandatory. We must start with ourselves over and over again, telling the truth as fast as we can.

                                                                          Invest in what matters.

~ American Century Investments

Traffic Light: When you find yourself unsure about someone or a situation, or you’re unable to make a clear choice, try this tried and true “truth verifier”.

 No matter where you are, take a moment to center yourself. When you are ready, visualize a traffic light in your mind’s eye. See the red, yellow and green darkened lights. Without rushing, ask yourself how you should proceed. Then wait to see which light shines brightest. If yellow goes on, best not make any choice or proceed just yet. If it turns red, best get out of there asap. But if green lights up, step on the pedal and go for the on ramp.

 Keep track of your results. Please let me know how it goes for you.

”

Karen Sands, leading GeroFuturist, is the author of 11 books including “The Ageless Way” and recently released, “The Greatness Challenge.”

               Live a life you want!

                         ~Seal

Like so many of my peers, I was learning for the first time, that I, unlike my maternal ancestors, could make my place in the world of men as well as at home. My mother, a survivor of the Great Depression, strove to realize her 1950’s “truth” of becoming the idealized “good housewife” as reflected on the pages of Good Housekeeping, Vogue, and Women’s Day of her time. Bored and made wrong if she left home for the workplace, she had no choice at all. If she left the kitchen table she was a bad wife and a terrible mom. Believing this, left her with a life of deep depression and debilitating boredom.

But I had a choice. There were options like never before. Droves of us went back to school, started businesses, and got jobs. Many of us stayed home full-time waiting for our turn. It was an exciting time. I never once questioned my being the “real deal.”

My tenure as leader of this transformative community grew me up really fast. I realized very quickly that we were the initiators of a shifting paradigm that would structurally change life in the future.

What has stayed with me to this day is the memory of far too many depressed and stifled women who were not trained for the future. Many of them suddenly widowed or divorced after long marriages. Others caretaking and stuck in neutral. Most of the women didn’t have a clue what they would do next. We were “women in waiting” for the rest of our life to show up.

The guys were either curious or wanting to be sure their wives weren’t being mesmerized into a “cult”, or something more sinister. What transpired was a great awakening for all of us. We broke the communication barriers between men and women. We helped each other find the best of our many selves. We were all seekers and change makers. It was here that many of us became leaders of the future…some became visionaries of merit.

I learned my own truths and how to act on them. I was in 7^th heaven. I was leading this new paradigm community, facilitating groups, counseling, and coaching, writing and speaking. I learned so much about being a woman and being a leader, about success, joy, pride and profits. I honed my expertise in stewarding adults to tell their truth as fast as they can. I studied with the greats of that time. I was blessed to ignite greatness in many. It was a transformative time for everyone.

I became an entrepreneur almost by default. Wanting to be accessible to my kids, I chose not to be a full-time graduate student or to work for someone else. I thought the obvious solution was to create my own home-based business model. So I did. It was all about empowerment: women serving women. I wanted to prove to myself that I could be successful in a man’s world, and still hold onto–remain rooted in my deep feminine being to fully live my own Signature Greatness as it is embedded in my unique DNA.     My abiding vision and mission are for each of us to then teach others how to do it too.  Time for each of us to lift up those coming up alongside us. It’s a win-win-win in the making.

I started my own successful jewelry direct sales business during these early years. My closest competition and templates were Mary Kay and Avon. Later I became the darling of local boutiques and department stores. I had a two fold mission: I wanted to create something that would be a model of going for life to the fullest by unleashing my own potential, while adding value to the world. And, I wanted to create a platform for women to bring their gifts and contributions to the larger outer world. My dream was for women to lead the way to a new greatness. My more immediate goal was to bring women back into the workforce so they could have financial and self-independence. I knew how important it is to tell the truth about ourselves, and our world, as fast as we can. Our very lives depended on it.

Not once did I doubt my truth. Sham wasn’t even in my vernacular. Everyone around me was bursting with potential. We were the “real deal”!

Recently I was invited to attend a women’s gathering to learn about a “natural” brand of spa products and to meet women in my town. It didn’t take long before I felt like I was experiencing a flash back to the 70’s of my youth. Moms at various points along the Mommy-track came to check out a potential part-time career. Their yearning to develop themselves further was palpable. Each of them talked about what’s next and wanting to add to the family coffers. No one there was single. Unlike my contemporaries, these women have had a taste of earlier careers and success in the outer world, now they want to begin their re-entry. All of them are searching for a clue to their next on-ramp.

Only a week later I’m thoroughly enjoying a totally different grouping of women. The only agenda was coming together to celebrate friendship and community. We were mostly over 40 yrs old, with many of us over 50. I didn’t meet anyone who wasn’t in some phase of motherhood. The evening’s conversations wove around kids getting ready for college, midlife nests emptying, midcareer moves, later life realities, and local happenings. Not quite a dejavu of my youth, but another version of the same theme song I heard so long ago.

Are you still bursting with potential? Be the real deal!

Karen Sands, leading GeroFuturist, is the author of 11 books including “The Ageless Way” and recently released, “The Greatness Challenge.”

Just a numbers game! Feeling just the same.

~Roseanne Cash, Black Cadillac album

Have you ever asked yourself: Am I an imposter or the “real deal”? So many of my high-flying clients have asked just that question.

Telling the truth is a hard thing to do. So sometimes we don’t. instead, we push things out of our view, under the carpet. It’s especially easy, (even a sanity-saver,) in environments that do not support our well-being, much less our Signature Greatness. But the universe is fast giving us evidence that when we fail to tell-the-truth as fast as we can, breakdown results. It’s quite apparent in today’s headlines—continuing proof of process breakdown and an impending system implosion. Like our recent U.S. presidential post-election “fake-news” claims, the unraveling of un-truth-telling is igniting continuous chaos all of which demonstrates breaking down. Nature, Positive Psychology, Neuroscience, and all the great religions tell us that only self-correction towards the center will lead us to our next evolutionary and transformative breakthrough. Otherwise, its total breakdown…dissipating into the ethers.

Alice, a 37yr old described how she felt like a total fraud. I immediately recognized what I call the Sham Syndrome taking over her world view. Having done all the right things to get ahead, she wanted to hide out, disappear into the woodwork. Now that she was promoted to a Senior Partner at a world-renowned firm, Alice was sure the roof would fall in! She’d finally be found out!

Then there’s Teresa, a gypsy soul, almost 50 yrs.old, who had struggled for her own truth for so long. Once a high-powered globe-trotting marketing executive, she had stayed in a marriage that just didn’t work anymore to protect the kids. Her marriage was so broken it could not be fixed. Finally, she struck out on her own. Good fortune has shined on her.

Bill, a long-time leader in his field, just didn’t know what he wanted to do next. Having had his fill of corporate life on the road, he wanted to shift gears so that he could be close to home base, do what he loves and still be in the game. He worried that he couldn’t make a late mid-career change. Who would hire him at his age? He’d worry. He was afraid he’d be found out, and not considered.

But life is too fleeting for feeding this dragon. Like the mythical heroes and goddesses of old, Ulysses and Inanna before us, we have come to a crossroads in our lives, our way of life, and in our time. If we are to transform the dragon, we must first tame it with honesty and truth telling as fast as we can.

If our own home fires fan deceit and denial, how can we expect to find the truth elsewhere? No wonder so many of us are unhappy about what we do and whom we’re with or not with. To live the life we are meant to live,  to be the change we want to see, we have to take a reality check to be sure we are telling ourselves the truth about our personal lives, our workplace, our business, our economy, social mores, our politics, and our globe.

The “truth” is that when we are out of sync anywhere in our life and work, e.g., not being truthful with ourselves, we go out of whack. Our soul starves. Thirsty for more, we drive ourselves to succeed over the top, only to find the bucket at the end of the rainbow doesn’t fill us. There are others of us, who still don’t believe we deserve our success. So instead, we do everything in our power to self-sabotage. We choose not to start telling the truth, but to live by rules that aren’t our own, always trying to live somebody else’s truth.

Sooner or later, the signs of breakdown start to show up. Can’t focus. Moving so fast you don’t’ get a chance to feel. Like any addiction, craving the stimulation. Never enough. Yet the message you are getting is that you are losing the verve, your edge seems to be dulling. Nothing gets you going anymore.

The Sham Syndrome is especially common for all of us high achievers…especially for women who were raised with high expectations for their achievement and/or who are enmeshed in a patriarchal external reward system, eg. becoming a partner. A sure burn-out scenario in the making!

Picture the mid ‘70’s. I’m the prototypical corporate wife sitting on a park bench. I spend most of my time watching my wonderful kids circle around again for another try at the slide or walking the beam. I love being a mom…being their mom.  I know my greatest gifts to the world are these wondrous beings I am stewarding through life. Both so alive and bursting with their Signature Brand of Greatness.

But I sure miss the action of my old life. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me for wanting both. Am I an imposter? I find myself frequently drifting back to my days of leading educational breakthroughs, turning around a California school district, remembering great kids who triumphed over tough odds.

There were those moments when I thought I’d be found out for wanting a double life. But I knew this couldn’t be all it would be for the next couple of decades for me. I wanted more: a chance to make my mark in the larger world and still be the best mom I could be. I wanted to be Super Mom in all her glory. I bought that archetype–hook, line, and sinker! I went for it big time. But it wasn’t so easy to achieve, as many of you know.

As you can imagine, I had to “own” my truth by myself back then. Sitting on the bench, now nearing my 30^th birthday, I knew that if I didn’t tell the truth as fast as I could to myself, I would be no role model for either of my kids (a girl & a boy). I knew that I was already everything I could be as a mom, it was my core reason for being. What I didn’t know was what I wanted to do next. Nor how to get there. I was yearning for Soul food. I knew I wasn’t alone.

To avoid going brain-dead or going on hold status for too long, I founded and led a fast-growing Adult Center for Growth & Development in the corporate suburbs. I  led and facilitated C.R. groups, career counseling, leadership & stewardship coaching, business and life planning, and so much more. The Center’s services and events were met with great demand.  We had a waiting list for membership.  Why? Because we created a  safe haven for truth telling, birthing conscious capitalism, and igniting sacred activism.

It was perfect timing: Women came first. Then their men followed. Something very important was happening: transformation in progress.

Tune in next Sunday for Part 2!

Karen Sands, leading GeroFuturist, is the author of 11 books including “The Ageless Way” and recently released, “The Greatness Challenge.”

Dating…the word itself can conjure, for some, feelings of fear, anxiety, dread and overwhelm. A quote by comedian Jerry Seinfeld states, “Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?” Yet, given our penchant for connection, engaging with others can also incite excitement and hope. Regardless of our age, we may date for a number of different reasons, among them: romance; finding a marriage partner; sex; companionship; friendship.

There’s no disputing that dating after 40 (and through 100+) is very different than at 20 or 30. In our middle and later years, many of us have already had families and/or built careers, have a multitude of life experiences to draw from, greater self-awareness and clarity about the type of companionship we want (and don’t want). Since average life expectancy has increased, we are all in the process of creating a new story for the next phase(s) of our lives, often with an eye toward greater self-fulfillment and simultaneous social consciousness/giving back. With the pace of life in these times, the growing divorce rate and the number of people who are single (whether by choice or circumstance, whether with children or not), dating is a great way to meet others.

If you want to begin to date, but are having difficulty motivating, consider the following words from Mama Gena’s Womanly Arts website (www.mamagenas.com): “While the law of attraction is true, true, true, it is not the whole story. The whole story is that you have to love wherever you are, whatever it looks like, right now, to even begin to attract anything. Additionally, it is really important to demonstrate your willingness to go for your desire by getting up off your butt, and taking deliberate baby steps in the direction of your desires.”

Yet, a major fear of many women (and men) over 40 is that, in our youth-centric culture, we will no longer be attractive enough to others. That false stereotype masks the more complex and nuanced reality of attraction, making it too easy to undermine ourselves and refrain from acting on our dating desires.

In my upcoming book, The Ageless Way, I quote Elisabeth Kübler-Ross when discussing what Ageless Beauty truly is (rather than “youthenizing” those over 40). She asserts, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” How different an approach we might take to dating when we acknowledge this truth…

Though it seems obvious, we often get lost in trying to “attract” someone (friend or lover) and forget that when we are seeking to relate with those who will truly love us we must actually share who we truly are. As Henry Cloud suggests in How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, “Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.”

Learning more about someone through dating is not just for those who are single.

Many married couples and committed partners make it a priority to have “date nights,” considering it vital for their relationship to focus on each other away from life’s distractions. Though that time can be used to simply catch up, it may also help nurture romance. Articles such as the National Association of Baby Boomer Women’s “Day Trips and Hotel Sex” by Dr. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D. (http://nabbw.com/expert-columns/love-sex-and-dating/boomer-women-sexuality/day-trips-hotel-sex) talk about the advantages of such dating. Lynn shares her belief in the benefits of taking a trip together and enjoying time for “unadulterated intimacy.”

There are many ways to meet people, including newspaper ads, matchmakers, friends, events and classes. We live in a society and time of “high tech, low touch,” so it’s vital to meet others and find ways to connect and create community. Ironically, however, it is very often the online world which offers a fast, efficient way to meet others. In addition to well-known general websites for all ages, such as match.com, eharmony.com, and okcupid.com, there are others for nearly every grouping, including ones by hobbies/interests, religion/spirituality, sexual/gender preference or ethnicity. Sites for people specifically seeking to meet other Boomers and those over 40, include: babyboomerdates.com; over40andsingle.com; ourtime.com; vibrantnation.com/family-relationships/7-free-online-dating-sites-for-people-over-50-and-single; and, many more.

For anyone who is resisting dating, who believes in the stereotypes about the scarcity of potential partners for those over 40, I have a brief, but true, story for you.

My husband’s childhood best friend had suffered through more than one mismatched marriage, and a heart attack, and felt that his chance at finding a loving companion was over. However, he ultimately went online, hesitantly stepping into the dating scene again, and met a woman who he feels is the true love of his life. Though they wish they’d met 20 years ago, they are focusing on moving in together, creating a home in a new location. With the wisdom of experience that can only come with many years of living, they look at life as just moments, which they will keep pursuing and creating together.

Are you seeking some kind of courtship or friendship? I am curious to hear about your Ageless Dating experiences…

Where have you met friends or romantic partners since the time you turned 40? What has made your 40+ dates fun or cringe-worthy?

Image Credit: (“Roseate Spoonbill Courtship Dance” by USFWS Headquarters, everystockphoto.com)