Midlife crisis. It is a term bandied about, which can conjure images of sports car purchases, new gym memberships, flirtations/affairs/divorces, botox and bikinis. Midlife is, for many, a time of transition, including whether or how to retire. It can be a time of more questions than answers, a time in which you feel less steady as you review and revise who and what you find most meaningful, valuable, and worthwhile. Some changes are desired and welcome, while others feel forced or unavoidable.

I believe, as I share in my upcoming book, The Ageless Way, that  “Those of us who are entering, in the midst of or, like me, leaving our rich middle years, are well poised to use such times of transition as opportunities to tap more deeply into our reservoir of innate soulful greatness – what I refer to as our Signature Greatness DNA. As history has shown, change makers and world shakers always deepen their culture and leave a legacy for future generations by confronting the difficulties of such times with invention, insight, and transcendent understanding.”

It is at these times that many people choose, whether out of desire or necessity, to begin a second (or third, or fourth…) career, which is often referred to as an encore career. There are different reasons people choose to pursue an encore career, such as: financial security; personal fulfillment and meaning; the desire to give back to the local/national/global community; flexibility; work/life balance; learning new skills and utilizing those that have been acquired over decades; sustaining social connections; pursuing a long-held dream…

Regardless of the reason(s) for selecting an encore career, those in their middle and later years have garnered personal and professional experience and wisdom which they can offer to employers and clients. In addition, Boomers and Matures (members of “The Silent Generation”) grew up in eras which inspired active, organized involvement in response to diverse current events, such as WWII, the Korean and Vietnam Wars, and the fights for civil and women’s rights. As a result, these workers are often valued for their efficiency, sense of responsibility, loyalty, hopeful attitude and strong work ethic.

The trend toward an increasingly older and diverse workforce creates multiple opportunities for building successful intergenerational office environments. Encore career professionals offer a variety of abilities and knowledge to enhance the capabilities of the younger generations and benefit, in return, from their colleagues’ perspectives and talents with new work aspects like technology. Such mutually supportive business cultures ensure a more solid future for everyone, from those engaged in encore careers to the generations yet to come.

There is even a movement afoot to support those choosing or hiring for encore careers. Encore.org’s mission is “building a movement to tap the skills and experience of those in midlife and beyond to improve communities and the world.” It seeks to engage the vitality, wisdom and talents of those in the third and fourth stages of life while emphasizing social purpose. Seeing an aging society as a solution to, rather than creator of, problems, Encore.org connects generations in diverse ways, including hosting an annual conference and offering The Purpose Prize for people over 60 who integrate their passion and experience for the betterment of society. Created in 2005, the prize aims to “showcase the value of experience and disprove notions that innovation is the sole province of the young. It’s for those with the passion to make change and the experience to know how to do it.”

I mentioned the term encore career in a blog posted earlier this week, “Second Time Around” , in which I wrote about Barbara Beskind who is now in her third year of work as an inventor, a lifelong dream she achieved just shy of her ninth decade. Additionally, I have met/worked with diverse women and men who have chosen (are choosing) to embark on an encore career. One 51-year-old woman hot shot media executive left her job to pursue what she always wanted to do as a teenager — she went back to school to become a social worker. Another high flying 62-year-old woman left an intense demanding sales executive post to return to the beloved art career of her youth. A 63-year-old retired teacher became a published author. In her January 16, 2015 New York Times article, Older Job Seekers Find Ways to Avoid Age Bias, Kerry Hannon shares the story of a 66-year-old man who was laid off from a high-powered position. After undergoing the unease of transition, questioning his purpose and averting age discrimination encountered in interviews, he ultimately ended up teaching part-time, making money, and feeling valued. And I am one among many who have found fulfillment in an encore career by creating their own business.

Encore.org and the AARP  are just two of the organizations offering programs, resources and information for those embarking on an encore career. In the short term, this transition may require additional investment of education and retraining (including working with a certified professional career coaching and strategy-creation coach). The rewards, however, can be infinite. Following your passion while giving to others can be stimulating, enlivening and offer adventures which demonstrate that, despite pleasurable memories, the best is still yet to come.

When musicians are called by an audience to perform an encore, a demand for more, it is surely a sign of success. Whether you choose an encore career out of need or want, in honoring and utilizing your skills and knowledge you are the one whose success is to be celebrated. Bravo!!

What’s your encore career story?  Please share your experience below.

I have discussed the importance of strengthening and creating intergenerational relationships, but usually, I’m talking about the relationships between boomers and the younger generations, the X’s and the millennials. One important connection, however, for boomer women in particular, is with the generation of matures, those women who are in their 70s and 80s right now, many of the first feminists who are also among the first to transition from work to “retirement” and to benefit from our increasing longevity.

How are they making this transition? What can we learn from those who are happy and healthy in their 70s and beyond?

I recently heard about the website 70candles.com, run by Ellen Cole (75) and Jane Giddan (76), as a place for women around 70 (approaching it or past it) to share their experiences, their hopes and fears and insights—their stories. What have they found to be the common factors in the lives of those most happy with who they are at 70 and beyond?

• Acceptance: Women who accept who they are, age and all, are far more likely to feel happy and fulfilled. This is a challenge for boomer women, who are from a generation obsessed with youth. But to accept who you are instead of longing for the past is an essential step—at every age, really—toward finding happiness in the moment. This doesn’t mean resigned to who you are. It means celebrating the wisdom, experience, and freedom of being an older woman—even reveling in being an old lady, or being one of my favorite terms, a Crone. Taking back the original meaning of the term, which was not a witch or a hag but a wise and powerful woman living above age, and helping others at the various crossroads of life.
• Connection: Without exception, the happiest women are those with a strong social network. As we age, we lose people—friends, spouses, colleagues. This makes it even more crucial for us to create and strengthen our connections with other people, of all generations, as much as possible. Also key is to connect with other women in your generation so that you can share experiences, hopes and fears, with people you know will get you completely, and so you can see all that is possible by mentoring and supporting each other into the Third and Fourth Ages of life.
• Action: As I’ve discussed on this blog and in my talks many times, the idea of “retiring” is an antiquated concept. And this is not just the view of boomers heading into the traditional retirement age in an economy that won’t allow many to retire. The generation ahead has already discovered this secret, that regardless of the economy, true fulfillment in your 60s, 70s, and beyond comes from continuing to live, to be active. This doesn’t necessarily mean working a full-time job. It can mean part-time work, consulting, community activism and volunteering, or starting a business on your own terms. It can and should be adapted to who you are specifically, not who you are supposed to be. But whatever “it” is for you, keep doing it!

What are your secrets to happiness and fulfillment as you age? How about the women you admire who are blazing this trail ahead of you? If you imagine yourself at age 70 and 80 and 90, what does that look like? Who are you and what are you doing?

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There seems to be a prevailing Noah Syndrome attitude in our culture; pairs are preferable – get on board two by two…

It is as if such a partnership is the only means to true fulfillment. Too often, if we are not currently part of a duo, especially around a time like Valentine’s Day, we may feel depressed, at a loss, or lacking in some way. And these feelings, added to “ages-old” stereotypes about growing older, like “older people are lonely,” or “senior citizens are has-beens who are no longer desirable,” despite their inaccuracy, can shake us to our vulnerable core.

But love and desire come in many forms. Though each individual experience of love cannot be easily or generally defined, the Merriam Webster online dictionary offers a few different descriptions, such as: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; attraction based on sexual desire (affection and tenderness felt by lovers); affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests; and, warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.

In addition to romantic love (whether a monogamous relationship or one with multiple partners), we can experience fulfillment in myriad other ways, including love of self, of our children (grandchildren, nieces and nephews, etc.), of animals (including our pets or a type of species, like koalas…), of friends, of nature, of the arts, of place…you get the idea. Though the sentiments and warmth accompanying these loves can occur at any age, for those over forty navigating the transitions between our youth, our middle years and our later years, and the precarious balance of connection and loss at these junctures, they may be especially poignant and rewarding.

A December 27, 2013 article written by Roman Krznaric and posted online  offers another perspective about different types of love and how they can enhance our lives. The author discusses the six loves known to the Greeks: Eros (sexual passion and desire); Philia (friendship); Ludus (playful love/affection); Agape (selfless love, extended to all of humanity); Pragma (mature love); and, Philautia (self-love). He shows there is value in being inspired to move beyond the youthful addiction to romantic love in which we see one partner as being the sole fulfiller of all needs and desires. Instead, by nurturing those six loves, we can be more connected with all of humanity and may discover we have a lot more love than we ever imagined.

I am still over the top in love with my husband of almost forty years. We are intensely aware that we are living proof of mature and Ageless Love. I also know that the awesome loving relationships I have with my children, superseded only by my grandchildren, plus my treasured family and friends, and the love I feel for my work and life passions, are ALL vital to my health, Heart and my Ageless Soul…

F. Scott Fitzgerald suggested “There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.”  As you step each day into your Ageless Future, here’s to recognizing the myriad ways in which the different varieties of love can rejuvenate, renew and ramp up your life. Bring something special to each day and each loving relationship. It’s true … what goes around comes around.

Other than in your romantic relationships, in what ways has love made your life (including work) more vibrant, peaceful, meaningful and/or pleasurably fulfilled?

Amazon #1 Best Seller Author of 11 books including The Ageless Way, Gray is the New Green, Visionaries Have Wrinkles, The Greatness Challenge and more.

In decades of work as a leading GeroFuturist aiming to transform the story around our culture’s approach to aging, I have often spoken and written about this issue. I continue to assert that a large and vital part of our new boldly vibrant story is dependent upon the language we use to define and describe growing older — to ourselves and others, and by those who serve and market to us. When we change or redefine the terminology we use in those descriptions, we change the perception, truth, and dynamics of getting older across the lifespan (for twenty-year-olds, as well as centenarians – and everyone else in between…).

It may sound simple, but it’s not easy. So how do we integrate individual and cultural mind shifts in order to change the “languaging” around adult development and growing older? Something has to give! A perfect example of misplaced, yet commonplace, labeling as we grow older is referring to Baby Boomers as “seniors.” I can assure you that those of us over 40 don’t relate to that at all. In fact, it makes us cringe and run in the opposite direction. Yet, “senior centers” across the country continue to bemoan and wonder why Boomers aren’t banging down their doors for “senior” services and community-building.

We clearly need new terminology to help shift the paradigm. We need a full expression of the affirmative, powerful, and even juicy aspects of aging. Old dismissive stereotypes do not consider the reality of those of us entering or beyond midlife as capable of being fully active physically, socially, mentally and professionally (to say nothing of the fact that the over-40 crowd is the largest adult consumer demographic and, thus, worthy of priority marketing and product development focus). Manifesting such transformation, as with all vital historic movements, will take patience, determination, effort, awareness, intention, time and acceptance.

As is the case with so much in life, there is not just one way to think about growing older or the terminology around that process (a process which will happen to all of us lucky enough to live “to a ripe old age”). My vision for the new story of our times is rooted in an approach toward aging that is “Ageless.”  At this juncture, this word may mean different things to different people.

A retired literary professional recently shared with me that when she hears the term “Ageless” she thinks of it as dismissive of aging, since it seems to infer wanting to avoid looking or growing older. I see the term in a different way, as being age-affirming. Ageless, Ageless Aging, Agelessness (and timeless) to me are all about transcending age at any age… all while owning our chronological age …whether 30, 40, 70…101. Agelessness involves not being defined nor limited by our chronological age at the same time as welcoming/embracing whatever age we are.

Agelessness is about transcending our limited, dismissive and insufficient attitudes toward aging so that we see ourselves and each other as whole and precious parts of a larger evolution with many births, rebirths, endings and new beginnings…no matter what our age or life stage. This does not mean we deny our aging. Instead, being Ageless and embracing The Ageless Way is evidence that we, at every age, own the vitality of life within us and our value, and remove the limits culturally placed on our youth and our elderly.

I feel so strongly about the importance of boldly shifting our definition of the word Ageless (as it applies to Ageless Aging) and proclaiming it as central to our new story of what it means to grow older, that I have titled my upcoming book The Ageless Way.

So, together, let’s re-cognize the abilities inherent in growing from youth to midlife to becoming an elder. Rather than seeing Agelessness as working against the fulfilling life all of us can envision for ourselves, our communities, our world, we will move forward with that word as a testament to our ability to surpass the heretofore ingrained and perceived limitations of aging. Will you join me on that journey?

What does being “Ageless” mean to you and what is your reaction when you hear that word? What are some words associated with growing/being older which no longer have any bearing on the NEW story of our age?

For decades, I have spoken at length about, and coached clients regarding, the need for marketing products and services to serve the fast-expanding over-40 demographic. I even devote a chapter to the subject of over-40 business wisdom in my upcoming book, The Ageless Way. Here are just a few *sneak peek* excerpts below.

Everyone from solopreneurs to large corporations needs to recognize that this market is essential to staying in business in the future, or even in the present. Especially important is that Ageless Women themselves are in a unique position to serve this market just as they are in this market to be served. In other words, Gray is the New Green!

 As pioneering David Wolfe observed, “I believe companies are largely ignoring the largest and richest customer group in history for three reasons. First, stereotypical beliefs about older customers paint them as resistant to change, so why bother. Second, there is widespread uneasiness about how to market to older customers, so let’s spare ourselves the pain of failure. Third, people under 40, who are not in the same mental space as members of the new adult marketplace majority, dominate marketing processes. They relate most comfortably to customers of their own ages or younger.”

 Yet, the economy, business, and the workplace are all undergoing glacial change from the status quo, despite a combination of massive upheavals and a constant media focus on the aging Boomer population. Throughout history, chaos and major shifts have always been accompanied by renewed attempts to hold on for dear life to the (false) security of How Things Have Always Been Done. There is an ongoing conflict between the stories of our past and the stories of our future, and the battlefield between them is inevitably our present story…

 My message continues to be “Here’s how to stay in sync with the generation that keeps you in business.” I present to professional and corporate marketers, strategists and entrepreneurs (experienced and newbies) across many sectors. I attempt to wake up those who have the most to gain or lose in market share and reach if they close their eyes to the forty-plus market potential. While sharing my perspective on the truth about their future if they stay youth-focused, I cajole them by quoting popular lyrics like Fleetwood Mac’s “Yesterday’s Gone…Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.” I warn them that they best get on board fast because their ability to monetize going forward will be based on their willingness to serve this enormous force field of new Boomer demand in the workplace, the United States marketplace, and around the globe.

 No matter your industry or field, those who recognize the new rules of the game will reap the benefits and gobble up market share. For starters the new rules are customer-centric, not product-centered, as has been the case for eons. At least until Millennials turn forty, youth no longer rules! But “Prime Time Women” do!

 Let’s get back to the here and now stats that should blow your socks off! Based on a briefing paper prepared by Oxford Economics for AARP it is estimated that “…a 106 million-plus market is expected to grow by over 30% in the next 20 years.” If you snooze, you lose. Any entrepreneur or service professional that ignores the enormous power of the Big Gray already on our threshold might as well kiss their business goodbye. To anyone not paying attention I must ask, are sure you want to leave money on the table by ignoring this forty-plus market?

 If you are not already serving or planning to serve the forty-plus market, you are not only missing out financially—you are missing out on the chance to align what matters with an audience that is consciously choosing companies that are making a difference as well as a profit.

 The aftermath of the Great Recession can seem like the worst possible time to focus your business on your values, but the opposite is true. Boomers are an indication of how your clients are changing. Living your values and focusing on what matters in your business is not only what you need, it’s what the world needs—and it’s what the world is willing to pay for.

 Businesses that want to tap into this trend must shift their focus from value to values, from the bottom-line to the Triple Bottom Line: People, Planet, Profits…

A finding in a Nielsen study projects that by 2017 Baby Boomers will control seventy percent of the country’s disposable income. Whether or not you like Madonna’s style… or that of the millions of other active, engaged, energetic, successful performers over 50 (for starters: Michael Jordan, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Bruce Springsteen, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, George Clooney, Betty White, Denzel Washington, Hilary Clinton, Mitt Romney, Barack and Michelle Obama, Oprah, Nascar Driver Morgan Shepherd, or Yoga Teacher Tao Porchon-Lynch, 96…), there is no doubt that the new emerging story will be written by those marketers and product makers who recognize that it is worthwhile to get beyond the rampant malevolent ageism and misogyny in corporate marketing and product development decision-making.

What ways do you think the over-40 demographic can be best served by businesses? Have you seen examples of marketers already reaching out to this age group and doing it well? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Image Credit: Dollar Photo Club

With more people living longer, active lives, we are at a historical crossroads in which the demographics of business environments are shifting. It’s time to drop the narrative that persists about Boomers vs. Millennials battling over jobs, being on different planes or coming from opposing perspectives. It’s time to undergo the complex transformations necessary to modify our connections, attitudes, and work environments to create, as in our best relationships, “great chemistry.”

No transformation is inevitable, however. It is up to all of us, together, to shape the changing workplace for a future which will benefit workers of all ages (hence society as a whole), one, as I discuss in my soon-to-be-published book, The Ageless Way, that is focused on the Triple Bottom Line of people, planet, and profits.

I see signs of this trend toward intergenerational cooperation developing, such as in the egalitarian digital future laid out in Dan Abelow’s book Imagine a New Future: Creating Greatness for All. Despite such progress, however, we need to keep moving forward with unity of intent and purpose, since life and society “can change on a dime.”

I believe multigenerational age-friendly trends are worth developing and will result when we all work together based on common interests and visions for the future. A future that has a place for all of us is one with more genuine connections and fewer artificial barriers, such as those based on age, gender, race, and class stereotypes.

For starters, we can:

~ engage in collaborative multigenerational conversations, hands-on discussions about best practices, (mis)perceptions, inclusive decision-making that supports all ages;

~ explore alternative scenarios and solutions together based on the probable and preferred future, not the past;

~ look at intergenerational partnerships, such as job sharing/mentorship arrangements (which enable two people to be employed instead of one, combine training costs and salary, stretch a company’s dollar and quicken the pace at which younger employees can gain the skills, knowledge, and some experience they need to be more valuable to that company and the marketplace);

~ cultivate environments in which diversity and work-life balance are key (Whether we want that balance because we’re starting a family or because we want time to visit our established families, the outcome is logistically the same. Work locations and hours must be increasingly flexible for everyone, without penalty);

~ encourage people over 60 (and in fact those 40+) to remain employed by starting their own businesses – as encore entrepreneurs (These could be less complex solopreneur home offices or larger operations that would not only remove the competition for the same job between two generations, but would also generate employment, services, and products relevant for healthful, fulfilling lives).

The world in which we are living and working longer demands a new business model to serve consumers, our culture, and our workplace environments. By working together, we can solve, or at least ameliorate, multiple societal problems simultaneously through the specific social missions of companies serving multiple generations. No doubt the formation of more startups focusing on the Triple Bottom Line will have a significant positive effect on the job market, offering a way for all generations to make a living and a difference, and to secure their future and that of the world for generations to come.

Again, it’s the chemistry that matters. Together, we are stronger and can share our skills, knowledge, and creativity to discover more than “just” a new molecule. We can discover — we can create — new worlds. Together, we can engage in interactions that generate reactions which change the story around aging so that we model the new Ageless Way across generations.

In what ways is your company, or another business you are familiar with, already mastering the art of intergenerational collaboration? How are you doing this in your own life?

(Image credit: test-tubes-color-fluid.jpg by r.nial.bradshaw, Flickr.com)

Dating…the word itself can conjure, for some, feelings of fear, anxiety, dread and overwhelm. A quote by comedian Jerry Seinfeld states, “Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?” Yet, given our penchant for connection, engaging with others can also incite excitement and hope. Regardless of our age, we may date for a number of different reasons, among them: romance; finding a marriage partner; sex; companionship; friendship.

There’s no disputing that dating after 40 (and through 100+) is very different than at 20 or 30. In our middle and later years, many of us have already had families and/or built careers, have a multitude of life experiences to draw from, greater self-awareness and clarity about the type of companionship we want (and don’t want). Since average life expectancy has increased, we are all in the process of creating a new story for the next phase(s) of our lives, often with an eye toward greater self-fulfillment and simultaneous social consciousness/giving back. With the pace of life in these times, the growing divorce rate and the number of people who are single (whether by choice or circumstance, whether with children or not), dating is a great way to meet others.

If you want to begin to date, but are having difficulty motivating, consider the following words from Mama Gena’s Womanly Arts website (www.mamagenas.com): “While the law of attraction is true, true, true, it is not the whole story. The whole story is that you have to love wherever you are, whatever it looks like, right now, to even begin to attract anything. Additionally, it is really important to demonstrate your willingness to go for your desire by getting up off your butt, and taking deliberate baby steps in the direction of your desires.”

Yet, a major fear of many women (and men) over 40 is that, in our youth-centric culture, we will no longer be attractive enough to others. That false stereotype masks the more complex and nuanced reality of attraction, making it too easy to undermine ourselves and refrain from acting on our dating desires.

In my upcoming book, The Ageless Way, I quote Elisabeth Kübler-Ross when discussing what Ageless Beauty truly is (rather than “youthenizing” those over 40). She asserts, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” How different an approach we might take to dating when we acknowledge this truth…

Though it seems obvious, we often get lost in trying to “attract” someone (friend or lover) and forget that when we are seeking to relate with those who will truly love us we must actually share who we truly are. As Henry Cloud suggests in How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, “Dating is about finding out who you are and who others are. If you show up in a masquerade outfit, neither is going to happen.”

Learning more about someone through dating is not just for those who are single.

Many married couples and committed partners make it a priority to have “date nights,” considering it vital for their relationship to focus on each other away from life’s distractions. Though that time can be used to simply catch up, it may also help nurture romance. Articles such as the National Association of Baby Boomer Women’s “Day Trips and Hotel Sex” by Dr. Dorree Lynn, Ph.D. (http://nabbw.com/expert-columns/love-sex-and-dating/boomer-women-sexuality/day-trips-hotel-sex) talk about the advantages of such dating. Lynn shares her belief in the benefits of taking a trip together and enjoying time for “unadulterated intimacy.”

There are many ways to meet people, including newspaper ads, matchmakers, friends, events and classes. We live in a society and time of “high tech, low touch,” so it’s vital to meet others and find ways to connect and create community. Ironically, however, it is very often the online world which offers a fast, efficient way to meet others. In addition to well-known general websites for all ages, such as match.com, eharmony.com, and okcupid.com, there are others for nearly every grouping, including ones by hobbies/interests, religion/spirituality, sexual/gender preference or ethnicity. Sites for people specifically seeking to meet other Boomers and those over 40, include: babyboomerdates.com; over40andsingle.com; ourtime.com; vibrantnation.com/family-relationships/7-free-online-dating-sites-for-people-over-50-and-single; and, many more.

For anyone who is resisting dating, who believes in the stereotypes about the scarcity of potential partners for those over 40, I have a brief, but true, story for you.

My husband’s childhood best friend had suffered through more than one mismatched marriage, and a heart attack, and felt that his chance at finding a loving companion was over. However, he ultimately went online, hesitantly stepping into the dating scene again, and met a woman who he feels is the true love of his life. Though they wish they’d met 20 years ago, they are focusing on moving in together, creating a home in a new location. With the wisdom of experience that can only come with many years of living, they look at life as just moments, which they will keep pursuing and creating together.

Are you seeking some kind of courtship or friendship? I am curious to hear about your Ageless Dating experiences…

Where have you met friends or romantic partners since the time you turned 40? What has made your 40+ dates fun or cringe-worthy?

Image Credit: (“Roseate Spoonbill Courtship Dance” by USFWS Headquarters, everystockphoto.com)